I know it’s ridiculous, impossible, maybe even inappropriate, but when you find out a friend was whisked away by cancer, you just can’t help but look at old pictures and try to see where it was lurking. I mean, when I met him he and his wife were trying to get pregnant and now they have 5 year old triplets. Triplets. And I look at pictures from the past years and I think “where are you cancer?” “I don’t see any sign that you would be waiting to jump out and take over this big man’s brain within 10 months.” I think how can it be that you wouldn’t know something that big and awful was waiting around the corner. But you just don’t and when I think about that it really freaks me out.
What would you do if you could look at someone and just KNOW – just see some tiny little black spot (I picture cancer as a black spot and even if it’s removed and “cured” it’s still there, smudging your soul.) and see that’s it’s making evil decisions about the future? Do you say they should maybe rethink long range plans? Do you say nothing and hope you are wrong? Do you become so afraid of what unknown thing is lurking somewhere for you that you only live in the short term?
I’ve always said “everybody’s got their something”, but I’ve always said it with the hope that I know what my something is and I’m dealing with it successfully. But I know that’s false hope. Because there’s no rule that says you only get ONE something. Or that your one something is manageable.