Deep Thoughts About My Television?

Ever have someone offer you something that everyone is psyched about and you’re like “meh”? That’s happening today.

I have a weird living situation for a woman my age, so just go with me here. The IT department wants to come over to my apartment (I live where I work) and hook up a DVR. My co-worker runs over from her office across the hall after reading the e-mail and is super excited. I could super care less. Then I start wondering, am I weird to not care about this thing that everyone seems to think is such a life staple? Or are they the weird ones for caring so much about their TV viewing?

Don’t get me wrong – I love my TV. Looooooove it. I put on a TV even if I’m not watching it, just for background noise the way most people put on the radio. Music is not a big deal to me but the TV is essential. And there is always SOMETHING on that I am willing to watch. Except Riverdance when it’s on PBS and that Intervention show. My husband will flip through channels almost every night and proclaim that there is nothing on. I don’t understand how with our basic cable line up of practically everything, he can say this. I can never NOT find something. But as much as I love TV, I’m not willing to pay for extra stuff on it. That basic cable? Part of my housing (don’t hate). If it wasn’t, I’m pretty sure I’d be watching only NBC, ABC, CBS, PBS and Fox, and be perfectly happy with it. So I don’t get making time in my life for shows that I missed. There’s always something else I could be doing or watching. Missed Duck Dynasty? That sucks but oh look! Flea Market Flip! And the argument that I can pause live TV while I take a potty break? BFD. I don’t recall one time in my entire life where my soul was crushed by missing one minute of anything.

For as much as I love watching TV, I feel like I SHOULD want a free DVR, but I really could care less. In fact, I don’t even know if its possible to hook it up with all the husband has going on in his Tower of A/V Power. If some technician comes in and hooks it up in a way that’s not like the rest of the mess, I’ll here about it until the End of Days. END OF DAYS, PEOPLE.

For the record, I don’t even understand what I’m looking at in this picture, all I know is that one dust bunny out of place and heads will roll.

The Couch of My Dreams: I Has It

I have a long history of couches, and couch mistakes. Every few years I make a bad decision about a couch.

It seems you are supposed to take this couch shopping stuff seriously and only do it once in your lifetime. At least that’s the feeling I got when I decided it was time to get rid of the Evil Couch that had been residing in my apartment for several years. “Another new couch? There’s nothing wrong with the one you have. Or the one you had before that.” I have had perfectly good reasons (no really!) for replacing my couches. Seriously, I have. For instance, the Evil Couch (aka Vortex of Evil) came to us brand new from Ashley Furniture – with fleas. We got that problem taken care of but I have never forgiven it. It had other issues that bothered me too but we really started off on the wrong foot. I had been dying to replace it but I didn’t want another couch mistake. I wanted something AWESOME. And although the jury is still out with my husband, I’m pretty confident that I now have The Awesome. And it is named Comfy Sack.

Yes, I have a 7 1/2 foot long oblong bean bag for a couch now. Except its NOT a bean bag. It’s filled with little pieces of memory foam-type goodness that cushion you when you run and jump into it. Which you would, if you had one. I’ve had it for a few weeks now and I feel qualified enough to say I love it. There are some challenges, like getting out of it and what to do with my coffee table, but I’ll adjust.

I looked at two other companies before finding these guys. I won’t tell you who, but one seemed to have flimsy stuff and one was wicked expensive. When I saw the CS version with the big oval and matching ottoman I knew I found what I needed. I chose a plush cover and waited. And waited. That was the hard part, you wait 7-10 days. The CS shows up all squished and vacuum sealed in as small a box as possible, but it was still too big to fit in my Geo. My post office folks loooove the crazy shit I order online. At least once I got it home I was able to roll the box up the stairs and not worry about breaking anything (it is 75 pounds). I had to rip the box off of it and as soon as I did it came alive!

Directions say to beat it up. Kick it, punch it, break up the chunks of foam and let it air for a few days (when you aren’t sitting on it) so it can fully expand before putting on the cover. I think mine was pretty full that day, but it did get a little puffier overnight. The cover was amazingly easy to get on, even once fully expanded.

I did order a roll pillow but my husband liberated it for his recliner so I have two other pillows around if I want some outside support. I’m really the only one who sits on my couch, so I figured it was about time to get exactly what I wanted, no matter how silly. Good for sitting, napping, general lounging, one person or two. Maybe more, but its just us here. I imagine if I had a dog I would have to fight him for it. In any case, it makes me happy every time I come home and see The Bean. This might finally be the one.

You are Not a Trained Monkey. Stop Interviewing Like One.

Today, I dashed the hopes of someone who believed that following all the standard career service advice would get them a job. Folks, it’s a crapshoot. What impresses one hiring supervisor might piss off another. Just be yourself and at least then if you get the job, you know they hired you for you and not the carefully trained monkey you were trying to be.

I’m not saying it’s a waste of time to learn how to put together a good resume and proofread your cover letter, and learn things like don’t go to an interview drunk or dressed like a hooker. But most job-seeking advice overlooks one really important aspect of the process: the dude (or dudes) making the actual hiring decision. Job candidates seem to think that those of us who make hiring decisions are looking for and responding to the same things, in the same ways. That we are always in sync with what your career advisers are saying we want. We are the crazy variables that you cannot account for.

Example: I might love the candidate that came to the interview with a list of questions about where I work because I see they took the time to learn about us, and they want to know more. The other person interviewing might write them off because they wore a plain shirt and khakis instead of a suit, which to them indicates they aren’t serious about the job and/or aren’t professional. You are probably thinking, maybe a candidate should do both (as well as all the other little nuggets of interviewing wisdom out there). Then we get someone trying so hard to follow this mental checklist of candidate perfection that their personality doesn’t shine through and we think they have the soul of a bucket of dirt. Who wants to work with a bucket of dirt? Too much personality showing through? That’s either awesome if you connect with someone on your same wavelength or OHMYGOD, how could I stand to work with them!

What prompted all this today was a question about a phone interview a friend is going to do (or has done by now), and what kind of phone interview questions could be expected. As usual when she comes to me with job search advice, I was little help because I don’t believe in black and white answers to any of this. Even in one profession, each company will still have varying levels of standards, timelines, and interference from Human Resources. Some places are given a set of HR-approved questions to ask, others get to ask whatever they want (within legal reason). Some like the suit, some like the energy, some like your nose piercing, some like that you come from East Bejeezuzus Louisiana. There’s no way to tell.

I’m not saying to go into an interview not giving a shit, but to a certain extent, you have to not give a shit in order to relax and get your point across that you are the person for the job. Don’t try to be all things to all people, be yourself. Because living a lie that you are someone you are not will get exhausting real quick, not to mention disappointing for the people who hired you when you give up and let the freak flag fly.

Postscript after thinking about this a little more: Further reason to not interview like a monkey is that no one is going to hire someone who flings poo. Unless someone is hiring for poo flinging and if so, sign me up because I can sling some serious bullshit.

Two Ingredient Pancakes

I know, I know, you are thinking water and instant pancake mix are the two ingredients (smartass). WRONG! These babies are healthy and low carb. Per one serving you are only using one egg and one banana. That’s it! I also add cinnamon and walnuts but that’s just me.

I saw this on Pinterest and thought it would be a good thing to try to satisfy my love of pancakes and waffles without all the empty carbs. I didn’t really think it would be any good but it (shockingly) was.

Yup, just mash one banana and beat with one egg. This is a good way to use the ones that are getting bruised and overripe. I happened to have a good mashing tool but a fork will do the job too. The result is not overly attractive and thin, but don’t be discouraged.

Get your griddle nice and hot, grease REALLY well. Eggs stick. I use ghee (clarified butter) because I love the taste when I’m baking with it, but use whatever you normally grease a pan with. The pancakes take slightly longer to cook than regular ones, and the sides won’t necessarily look “dry” so be sure to lift an edge once in a while until they are the color you like them.

Flipping is tricky, because they are slippery little effers. Make your pancakes SMALL. My first try, I just dumped it all into the middle of the pan. There was no way I was going to be able to flip that and I ate it in pieces. It was delicious but I learned my lesson. I only get the flipper under halfway before it slides so patiently lift and quickly flip over.

The end result is sweet banana pancake goodness. I don’t even need butter or syrup for flavoring. They are not fat and fluffy, but still delicious and worth trying.

The Three Day Diet Skeptic

I’m going to try the Three Day Diet, aka the Military Diet, aka the Cardiac Diet. And if I’m going to do something as dumb as trying a fad diet, of course I’ll blog it for you. I’ve never done a fad diet by the way. I don’t believe anything is going to help you besides a full-on change in how you feel about eating and fitness permanently.

My boss mentioned this diet that she was on the other day and said she’d lost over 30 pounds using it on and off (with regular exercise). I thought it sounded weird because it seems very rigid and restrictive but also wondered if it would help jump start me back on the healthy eating and fitness path. I was at my ideal weight and fitness level @5 years ago and got lazy so now I’m having a hard time finding the motivation to get back where I was. I thought about looking it up and then promptly forgot all about it. Later that evening as I was looking at food porn on Pinterest, this diet pops up and I took it as a sign that maybe I should check it out, just for kicks. I mean, being miserable for three days to test this supposedly proven diet (although proven by what entity the blogs never say) isn’t going to kill me. Right? Maybe just make me want to die.

So I read a few blogs that discuss this diet and I won’t link to any of them here because they are easy to search for and basically say the exact same thing, almost word for word. I wish people would actually write about their experiences rather than just copying a blog entry into theirs for the sake of making some imaginary blogging quota or whatnot. I digress. Sorry, that’s anther rant for another day. I got my list of meals together and picked it all up at the last Wal-Mart run. It’s nothing I wouldn’t eat anyway, just rather small amounts and substitutions are not allowed (or heavily frowned upon if you want this to work). You follow these meals for three days and supposedly they are the right amounts and ingredients to get your metabolism going and start burning off fat. Sounds like a crazy chemical reaction of explosive awesomeness but I’m neither a chemist nor a dietitian. Then you eat like a normal healthy person (maybe those two words don’t go together) for the other four days and you try it all over again the next week until you are satisfied with your weight loss. Detractors claim that you are only losing water weight, not fat. Also, there is the peril of putting the weight right back on after you stop this insanity. My personal goal is to drop @5 pounds with the diet which will motivate me to keep on the healthy eating track, get me back at the gym, fit into my clothes better and I will then lose my additional 10 pounds by changing my lifestyle back to how it was before I let things slide. You can’t just lose weight. You have to be more conscious of what goes into your body and you have to get fit so you have the muscle tone to haul your ass around. I know this, really I do. I was at my healthiest when I was eating a low carb diet because I have migraines that are often triggered by sugar/refined carbs and working out regularly. I think I just got lazy and failed to maintain once I had lost all the weight I wanted – losing weight wasn’t even the plan, stopping the migraines was! In my opinion, if you want a “diet” that works, go Low Glycemic Index.

But here we are, with a three day plan, to see what happens. Here’s what I’m eating today:

Day One Breakfast: 1/2 a grapefruit, one piece of bread or toast, 2 tablespoons peanut butter and a cup of tea or coffee. (Not bad, about the amount I would normally eat, but who the hell has only 1/2 a grapefruit? Annoying, but I’ll play along. And there’s no mention for coffee drinkers if they can have milk in it but I think Splenda is your only approved sweetener.)

Day One Lunch: 1/2 cup of tuna, one piece of bread or toast and a cup of tea or coffee. (Hm, now I don’t get any peanut butter to put on my bread and I wish I could have some fruit, but I squished a 5oz can of tuna into my 1/2 measuring cup so huzzah! Seriously – I’m not setting aside 1 ounce of tuna for Thursday. I’ve probably ruined everything now.)

Day One Dinner: 3 ounces of any type of meat, 1 cup of green beans, 1/2 banana, 1 small apple, and 1 cup of vanilla ice cream. (That’s just a weird combination of stuff, and I don’t understand how vanilla ice cream comes in here, but at least I get some fruits and veggies. I may be a rebel and eat an entire small banana though.)

I’m going to share some numbers with you now, which might make you hate me. See I’m not exactly overweight or anything, just not where I want to be. I’m only posting this so we can track what progress (if any) I make. I weighed myself today @11:30am on Day One, and I will weigh myself on the morning of Day Four as well as next Monday to see if anything I lost came right back. I don’t expect to lose a lot (people advertise up to 10 pounds in three days) because I don’t have a lot to lose in the first place. This morning I weigh 130.5 pounds. I’m 5′ 2″ and have obtained the “spare tire” and the dreaded thigh cellulite – I refuse to accept these things as part of middle age.

I’m going to post this on Day One and try to update as something interesting happens, rather than saving this as a draft. Otherwise, I’m afraid it will end up in the Land of Lost Drafts and I’ll never get around to finishing it. But first, here’s what I’ll be eating for the other two days.

Day Two Breakfast: 1 egg, 1 piece of bread or toast, and 1/2 banana. (Notice no more coffee or tea, and they never mention if I can butter my bread…)

Day Two Lunch: 1 cup of cottage cheese or 2 ounces of cheddar cheese, 1 hard boiled egg, and 5 saltine crackers. (Which makes me think I’ll be feeling nauseous by this time?)

Day Two Dinner: 2 hot dogs (no buns or ketchup, mustard ok), 1 cup of broccoli, 1/2 cup of carrots, 1/2 banana, and 1/2 cup of vanilla ice cream. (What is with all this 1/2 banana bullshit???)

By the way, I also read somewhere that you can drink as much water as you want, and should ideally drink (in ounces) half the number you weigh (in pounds). If you are a heavy water drinker, please chime in here: If I drink 65 ounces of water per day, I will be very unproductive at work because I’ll be getting up to pee every 15 minutes. Does your body adjust to that over time or would I always be running to a bathroom. I can’t live like that; life is too short to spend that much of it in a bathroom.

Day Three Breakfast: 5 saltine crackers, 2 ounces of cheddar cheese, and 1 small apple. (I think this is the suckiest “meal” of the entire diet.)

Day Three Lunch: 1 hard-boiled egg, and 1 slice of bread or toast. (Ok, I lied, this is worse than breakfast.)

Day Three Dinner: 1 cup of tuna, 1/2 of a banana, and 1 cup of vanilla ice cream. (At least I get a whole cup of ice cream again.)

DAY TWO UPDATE!!!

I’m writing this @24 hours after the above section. Here’s what I am thinking so far:

• I’m hungry.
• I’m not very good at food measuring.
• I miss snacking – I prefer “grazing” to three big meals a day (not that these are big).
• I find myself thinking about what I’d like to grab to eat and then have to remind myself no – you aren’t really eating today.
• I don’t see how someone who cooks for others could stand this. Kids and needy spouses would have to fend for themselves for a few days.
• DON’T look at Pinterest, unless you are looking specifically at sections that have nothing to do with food. As if such a section actually exists on Pinterest.
• I wish it would be explained WHAT in each of these foods is so important, so I could make logical substitutions if I needed. For example, ice cream doesn’t usually agree with me but frozen Greek yogurt and I get along just fine. Will that ruin everything?
• Where is this diet “proven” other than andecdotal evidence?
• My Dr. would probably kill me if she knew I was trying this.
• I’m fucking hungry.

That’s my sad lunch from Day Two that I am currently “enjoying”.

HOLY SHIT YA’LL IT’S DAY THREE!!!

That’s right, another 24 hours have gone by and I haven’t gnawed off my foot in desperation. Because my foot’s not on the PLAN. I’m still hungrier than a mo-fo but other than that, I feel fine. Other people have experienced headaches, dizziness, weakness…just from being around me (bada-ba ching!). Seriously, I feel good, just hungry. I haven’t had to restrict my normal activities (which pretty much includes lying on a couch watching TV after work, unless I ride my bike to run errands.) And lunch is coming up – the best lunch of the WHOLE experience! Yes, I can’t wait to savor that hard boiled egg and piece of bread. FML. But after that it gets better because I can be normal again, and eat all the fruit I currently have going to rot in my fridge waiting for me. I will say though that last night I actually felt like I had enough to eat for dinner. However, it’s really REALLY hard to eat an entire cup of broccoli when you don’t care for it to begin with and now you can’t dump cheese on it to make it palatable. Plus now I have a shitload of leftover broccoli that I don’t ever want to eat.

BTW – I was a rebel this morning and had SIX crackers instead of five. I’m sure I’ve ruined everything now.

THE BIG REVEAL – IT’S DAY FOUR!!!

Hey, I get to eat again! But you don’t care. You only want to know if I’ve lost any weight. So using the same scale at the same time of day, even wearing similar clothes and the same shoes I can tell you that I now weigh…

129

Hm. Did you expect something more epic? I guess I really didn’t. I weigh 1.5 pounds lighter on Thursday than I did on Monday. And that doesn’t seem like so much that it can’t be explained by normal weight fluctuations. I will try to eat mostly healthy for the rest of the week (although I do like my movie popcorn and I’ll never pass up the offer of a doughnut) and we’ll see what I weigh next Monday. My thoughts on this:

• Was it worth it to be hungry all the time? I’m not sure. But I did come to realize that I could still get up and move about and be productive even if I was starving. The world didn’t stop turning and I didn’t get the migraine I was expecting.
• This is probably much harder for people who drink a lot of caffeine because after the first day it’s a no-no on most lists I’ve seen. That might be a deal breaker for some.
• On the plus side, I’ve been able to increase my water intake greatly and I’m sure my body would appreciate if I kept that up.
• Will I try this again? Maybe? I really don’t know what I think at this point. I’d probably be all over it if I’d lost 5 pounds.
• I DO feel lighter and more full of energy the past two days which isn’t usual for me. I would guess it’s the lack of sugar? And it’s nice to not feel all bloated when you eat way more than you need.
• My digestive system was definitely happier with me – with the exception of the 5:30am call of protest I got from my stomach about eating ice cream that first night. I can tell a difference right now, after eating a good-sized salad for lunch. Smaller surely is better, but I would have smaller more than three times a day.

One Week Later…

I weighed myself two hours late (sorry, I slept in and had breakfast at noon) and right now the scale says 128.5. I’ve been trying to eat in healthy ways that makes sense for me, and I must say that diet helped me squash some sugar cravings. All in all it is helping me make better choices and I do feel I have more energy.

You’re Welcome

Here I am, just minding my own business making the Wal-Mart list, when I get this sage advice from the recliner:

“By the way, don’t ever use your scrubby glove to scrub your private parts. It takes off skin.”

W.
T.
F.

“I don’t even know where to begin responding to that. Are we talking about the scrubby glove I use to wash my face?”

“I guess.”

Annnnnd let me add new scrubby glove to the Wal-Mart list…

Istanbul Pt. 4: Shopping

I finally can find time to wrap up the Istanbul adventure! Today we shop!

So…shopping in Istanbul was a challenge for me because more than anything, I hate bargaining. HATE IT. And in most of the world, bargaining is a national pastime. This was painful for me – my first instinct is always to look for prices and walk away when I don’t see any. Here’s the advice I always get about bargaining: it’s a deal if you think it’s a deal. If you are happy with the price you paid, that’s what matters. I call bullshit. If I buy something and then I see the same things being sold for less in the next aisle, I am pissed and my purchase suddenly feels wasteful. So this was hard. I had to keep telling myself that my travel money was for spending and I didn’t have the storage space to carry a ton of stuff home anyway, so not to take shopping too seriously. Realistically, I needed nothing anyway as photos are my real souvenirs.

I’ve already mentioned elsewhere that everyone I bought from hates making change with a passion, so small bills are a must. Especially in the markets but I found even in brick and mortar stores, cash registers were rarely used and change is made from what was in a guys pockets, if change was made at all. I spent a lot of my days saying “yok, yok, teshekkür” (no, no thank you) as I walked by stores, tables, restaurants, market stalls…the restaurant guys are especially obnoxious. The Grand Bazaar and Spice Bazaar were equally crowded and exhausting, although the Spice Bazaar is much easier to navigate. The Grand Bazaar is like a rat maze and very disorienting; goes from very organized, upscale jewelry stores to twisting, smoke filled tunnels of jeans and knockoff purses. You get lost and when you eventually practically fall outside into sunshine, there’s no telling where you are.

I read a lot about Istikal Street and how it’s the place to see and be seen. It’s in what people call the “new” Istanbul. Eh. Not impressed. Just any other big shopping street in any city, nothing special. The cool part of Istikal is actually the little side streets and alleys running off it. In one, I stumbled upon tables and tables lining the walkway with cotton shirts for 5tl. Yeah, that’s like 3 bucks. You know your favorite cotton shirt that is so soft and awesome? Probably made in Turkey. I controlled myself and only bought two shirts but for such a good deal I admit I had a hard time finding some without too much bling. Europeans seem to really like their shiny crap. Sequins and rhinestones on everything. I found a cute one with a minimum of bling:

. (Yah, I’ll fix that sideways thing going on later, sorry.)

The picture of the Koska storefront in the beginning is because I loved that store. Koska has great Turkish Delight (boxed and fresh) and fantastic prices, and lots of other Turkish specialty items and you don’t have to bargain with any damn one. Free samples of goodies too. I tasted a lot in there, I bought a lot in there. One word of shopping caution though: don’t buy meat as you probably won’t get it past custome I the USA. . Okay two words of caution: it is illegal to buy counterfeit bags as well, so…don’t buy a shit ton for all your friends back home. That said, if you have just one little red patent leather fake LV wallet you got on the street for 20tl and you love it and you are actually using like a wallet, you should be fine. I didn’t say that though. I’m just supposing.

What I was looking for before the trip I never found: a clue as to how much I would be paying for things, and what I should expect to pay. Because of that, I really had more money with me than I needed. So I bring to you a list of what I bought and what I paid. Can’t tell you if they are the best deals, but I feel pretty okay about them. Maybe they will help give you and idea if you are traveling there. All prices are in Turkish Lira (tl).

Dinner: 7-25tl average
Glass evil eyes: 1tl each
Soap: 4-5tl
Metal earrings: 1-2tl (sold on a board outside almost every shop)
Gemstone & gold plate earrings: 10tl
“Pashmina” scarves: 5-20tl (I paid 35tl for two soft ones off Istikal, other places in the bazaars are cheaper but I got the patterns I loved.)
Dondurma ice cream: 3tl
Bracelets: 1-15tl for a variety of styles and materials, you can get cheap 1tl ones everywhere with glass beads.
4 brass dancing cymbals (2 for each hand): 15tl
Ceramic Iznik tiles: 3tl for 2 is the cheapest I found, along the rail line by the exit to the Cistern. Real Iznik tiles are made with ground quartz and will run you @50tl at the market near the Blue Mosque but I’m fine with ceramic since I’m using them for coasters.
Wool Socks (hand knitted): 20tl, I didn’t try to bargain here, I respected the woman sitting there on the sidewalk knitting them too much to do that. They are big and chunky and great for running around the house in.
Watercolor print (copy) of the Blue Mosque: 5tl.
Copper ring: 50tl, handmade by the guy I bought it from. It has a big red stone and I have no idea what it is. It’s not a ruby and I assume its dyed chalcedony but when I asked him he looked confused and said they call it “lulu” stone. Any thoughts on this would be appreciated as I bought a pair of earrings for my mom with the same stones.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

We interrupt this series of Istanbul trip blogging (there’s one left!) to ponder the wonder of leftover residential college student detritus.

College student move out: it’s the reason for the season. Truly the most wonderful time of the year (now you’ll hum that all day, you’re welcome). The things students leave behind are wonderful, disgusting, and mystifying. Plus they remind me how wasteful humans can be. For years, I’ve had to haul crap into Dumpsters that students are too lazy to take home or throw out. Sometimes it’s cool crap but mostly just crap. That makes the hidden gems in the crap so much more rewarding. Like a leftover treasure hunt. Even though we now try to organize this mass abandonment with boxes and carts in central locations, the end of the school year is always awash in unloved piles of clothing, kitchen utensils, and crumpled notebooks.

The fascination with other people’s leftovers is a long-standing love affair. The year I got to clean out my hall’s forgotten storage closets was a gold mine of dart boards, beer signs, chairs of questionable cleanliness and a floor length down coat that was the bomb in the middle of winter in Buffalo when you had to stand in the yard to take the dog out. As a fan of thrift stores and garage sales, I quickly learned to take advantage of this time of year. And to encourage others as well because the more people take from the boxes in the hallway, the less I have to lug to Goodwill.

I’m no hoarder though. I take what I need which results in mostly a floor lamp here and there and some Chef Boyardee. My coworkers and I find warped guitars and really ugly art and leave it outside each others doors. Then it usually ends up in a different donation box before it all gets taken away somewhere. I challenge them to find me something awesome. What’s especially cool about where I’ve lived for years is that I have a lot of international neighbors. Mostly Chinese right now, and they come with two pieces of luggage and go back with not much more. Although we have the means the store items for those coming back, a lot goes in the boxes and those graduating usually just leave most of what they’ve accumulated behind before they fly home with their two pieces of luggage. I used to have a lot of student athlete neighbors which rocked because most left behind college logo stuff provided by their team. These days I ignore the clothing because all my Chinese girls are tiny. But someone found a Wii in the bins this morning! That probably takes the cake for most awesome leftover but until then, I thought it would be this:

Someone skinned Stitch!

I’m a Disney dork and Stitch is my favorite.  This is a full sized adult costume - I’ve never even seen such a thing for sale. (Plus, I have big Stitch costume gloves already – don’t judge.) I threw it in my washer and hoped it might make it through without falling apart and then hoped it would fit.  My master plan was to put it on and lay on the couch in my best Come-Hither pose when my husband came home from work.  Well, he ruined my plan by coming home sick in the morning but he did get a good laugh when I finally tried it on and found it fit perfectly.  Like it was made for me.  It was fate.

The Fates of the Abandoned Items favored me today.

I’m pretty sure this outfit is appropriate for every formal event I will ever be invited to from now on.  You’ve been warned.

Istanbul Pt. 3: Mosques and Islam

Let me say this right up front here:  I know next to nothing about Islam.  If I get something wrong or explain it badly, please forgive me and feel free to correct me.  One of the things that attracted me to Istanbul was the chance to experience another culture shaped by a different religion – in this case Islam.  I was excited to see  mosques, women in hajib head scarves or burqa, and most of all hearing the call to prayer.  I read many times that Istanbul is not a Muslim city, however, 90-something percent of people in it are Muslims.  The city cannot help but be shaped by it.  This is all exotic and fascinating to me.  Not scary.

When in Rome, we visited almost every church we walked past.  I swear every other building in Rome is a church.  When in Istanbul, I tried not to do that with mosques (because in Rome it was exhausting and got tedious), but I read about many and chose a few that sounded interesting to me. I think I went to seven mosques.  I learned some things along the way by watching and doing and also from reading pamphlets on Islam that were available to tourists.

• Outside a mosque, on the side or in the courtyard there will be places to sit and wash your face, arms, and feet (aka performing ablutions) to physically prepare for prayers.  This is not a tourist thing, this is for the worshipers.   It is NOT cool to take pictures of people preparing for prayer, of pictures of them during prayer.  Some do it but it’s a real dick move in my opinion.

• Shoes come off before entering a mosque.  And don’t be that jerk who walks up onto the carpet first because your feet are too precious to stand on the cold stone without shoes.  This is not your house so be respectful of your hosts’ wishes and take off the shoes where you are supposed to.  In smaller mosques you would leave your shoes outside on a shelf but bigger mosques have plastic bags so you can carry shoes with you.
• Women must cover their heads.  Preferably with a scarf but a hood will do as well.  A hat, not so much.  Most mosques I visited had a box of scarves for women who did not bring their own.  If your skirt is short or you are wearing shorts, you’ll need to wrap a scarf around your waist too.
• Turn your flash off before going in a mosque.  I don’t care that you will see other people using their flash.  It’s disrespectful.  Even if it is not time for prayer (and most mosques are closed during them) there are still always worshipers around who deserve to be in peace.  And shut up while you’re at it.
• Men are encouraged to pray in a mosque while women are able to pray where they would like – as long as it is not with the men.  I saw women praying in small alcoves in the back of mosques or outside.
• The call to prayer (adhan) happens five times a day, depending on the movement of the sun so it changes with the seasons and your location in the world.  A muezzin chosen for his recitation skills and good character recites the call in Arabic and it is aired from the minaret.  You’ve all heard it in the movies but to hear it in Istanbul in real life is breathtaking.  Especially the call from the Blue Mosque – that guy does his job like nobody’s business.  Hearing that for the first time was one of my “holy shit, I’m really here” moments.

So, the ones I saw.  They were all beautiful but I’ll finish with my favorites last.

Yeni Camii (New Mosque)

Courtyard of the Yeni Camii (New Mosque).

To be fair, I didn’t really plan to visit this mosque but it was right near the Eminonu tram line and it was raining, so the courtyard was a nice place to hang out for a bit on my way elsewhere.  Prayers were going on though so I didn’t get a chance to check out the inside.

Sokullu Mehmet Pasha Camii

Outside Sokullu Mehmet Pasha

The cool thing about this mosque was overhearing a tour guide explain the gravestones and what the tops are all about – they’re hats!  The type of hat indicates what a person did for a living.  The guys at least.  I’m not sure what female headstones look like.  The inside was dark but pretty, although the caretaker was praying so pictures were a no-no.

Suleymaniye Camii

Inside Suleymaniye

The mosque is in a nice quiet part of the city and there is a lot of area around it for hanging out, kids playing soccer, benches to chill on and…OMG…free bathroom facilities.  While I waited for afternoon prayers I got to see wedding photos being taken, a row of burqa’d teens gossiping just like regular teenagers anywhere in the world, and over the wall I watched two guys stopped and searched by the police.  Why, I don’t know, but it was very calm and orderly.  In the US there would be struggling, pepper spray, and screaming about civil rights.  Here, there was a thorough searching and the men went on their way.  All in all the outside of the mosque was the most interesting part of it.

Ayasofya Camii (Hagia Sophia Mosque)

Inside Hagia Sophia

A lot of people consider this to be the most amazing, must-see mosque in Istanbul.  I totally disagree.  I do think it’s worth a look because it’s a huge museum (25 lira) and there is a lot to learn.  Watch the video showing on a continuous loop, eavesdrop on a tour, learn about calligraphy, there are plenty of things to see inside and out, but I don’t think it’s the most beautiful mosque.  On the contrary, I felt it is overwhelmingly gloomy with it’s black and gold interior.  I don’t know if starting off life as a church has anything to do with the dark moodiness, but I prefer light and airy and peaceful.

Kucuk Ayasofya Camii (Little Hagia Sophia Mosque)

Hat display!

Inside Little Sophia

This is a cute little mosque which also started out life as a church.  There is a cemetery outside with a huge wall of gravestone hats without their stones on display and in front is a courtyard with many artist studios you can look through (as long as you aren’t there first thing in the morning).  You can go upstairs in this one but be careful on the deadly, worn, carpeted stairs as you go back down in your socks.  The caretaker will probably ask you for a donation so make sure you have some lira in your pocket.

Rustem Pasha Camii

A hidden gem in the market area.

The man this mosque was built for died before it was finished, but his wife spared no expense and covered everything possible in beautiful tile work.  This mosque sits above a market neighborhood and you have to walk around the wall through the sellers and find the little doorway that leads up the stairs.  Extra bonus cool points for the free Qurans they have for visitors.  I thought this mosque was really beautiful inside and is actually much more blue than the Blue Mosque is.  It’s not too far from the Eminonu tram station and the Spice Market  - definitely worth a look.

Sultanahmet Camii (Blue Mosque)

My favorite place in Istanbul.

To me, this is not only the most beautiful mosque in Istanbul, it is the most beautiful place I have ever seen.  Ever.  Better than palaces, better than the Sistine Chapel, the only place to make me cry just because I was sitting in it.  I can’t even explain and pictures don’t do it justice.  I went back almost every day just to sit and bask in the calm of it.  It’s perfect.  Except for the tourists with their camera flashes  and talking and crinkling shoe bags – but once you get past that, it really is heavenly.

Istanbul Pt. 2: Food!

Prior to my trip, I started making a list of common foods so I would recognize them if they showed up on a menu. I didn’t want to order something really scary. Turns out I never consulted that list because all in all, Turkish food looked pretty damned delicious. There were two things I didn’t want to eat: zaytin and korcoreç. Zaytin is olives and I just hate those. The other is a sandwich with some type of intestines in it. I’m sorry. My adventurous spirit draws the line at intestines. But everything else was fair game so I just bought stuff I saw people eating and enjoyed it all. I tried to remember to take pictures of everything for blogging’s sake but sometimes I was just too into eating to remember.

My delicious dinner most nights.

Chicken pita döner: Döner kebab refers to layers of meat on a rotating spit, and you get the bits of meat shaved off the sides on this hunk into a pita or other flatbread also stuffed with slaw and a few French fries. It was my go-to dinner of choice in Istanbul, mostly because there was a place right next to the Blue Mosque park where I liked to hang out around 5:00pm and listen to the call to prayer with the feral cats. For 7.50tl I got a filling sandwich and a can of Coke. Sometimes it was only 7tl because of the aforementioned Turkish hatred of making change.

Typical simit stand.

Simit: A simit can be best described as a Turkish bagel. It’s round, larger than a bagel, and covered in sesame seeds. Pretty bland on its own but at 1tl it is a good emergency snack when you start to get cranky with hunger and don’t want to stop for a real meal yet. They are everywhere on the street. In the mornings I would sometimes hear a man outside my window rolling his cart to the tourist area calling out “Simeet, simeet, simeeeeeet!”

Drink of (non-alcoholic) champions.

Ayran: I saw this beverage in the cooler of every market. It’s basically watery, plain yogurt. Females – when traveling, yogurt is your friend so eat it when you find it! Ayran was very cheap (like half a lira) and good for you. Not super delicious but not bad either when cold. I saw lots of people drinking this. Kind of made me feel non-touristy. But let’s be real, I was totally a tourist. No amount of local food is going to disguise me.  On the topic of drinks I would add that although I’m told the water in Istanbul is perfectly safe to drink and shouldn’t make you feel sick, I bought 1.5 liter bottles of water to keep in my room anyway.  They were cheap and I filled a little one with me to take everyday sightseeing.

Just looking at this picture gives me a sugar stomachache!

Tatli: I think tatli can mean any kind of sweet, but here I saw a man selling simit and tatli on his cart and the item looked like a ring of fried dough covered in honey. But covered is not really the right word. I don’t know what this baked good went through but when it was handed to me I was surprised at how heavy it was. It’s like it was submerged for a week in honey and then brought out to harden. It was wonderful and sticky and messy and I can honestly say I didn’t finish the entire thing. It was just too much sweet and I needed at least one other person (maybe two) to share it. My shame was eased by seeing another half-consumed honey ring in the trash when I finally gave up – I wasn’t alone. Similarly sweet and submerged in honey was some cake I decided to have for dinner one day. I was in a pastry shop ogling the goods when I man brought out this platter of cake from the back and set it down on top of the case. Golden brown and sticky. I asked what it was and he just said “honey cake with cream”. I had to have some and it was delicious.

Honey cake with cream? Sure!

Ice cream: Turkish ice cream is called dondurma and it’s not quite like ours. It’s better. It’s got orchid root flour and a resin called mastic which gives it a chewy texture and its also hardier in the heat. Is good stuff I tell you. So good I forgot to take a picture of mine but it does look like ice cream. Getting ice cream can be quite a show if you buy it from the right guys. They stir it constantly to keep it pliable and then tease you with it by putting it on the cone with a long metal rod and pulling it off, twirling the cone around, etc. Just look up dondurma on YouTube and you can find several examples of the ice cream show.

Selling corn and chestnuts.

Corn and chestnuts: I thought this was kind of a random pairing, but you can buy roasted corn or roasted chestnuts just as often as you can find simit sellers, usually at the same stand. I wasn’t a fan of the roasted corn; I thought it was chewy and tasteless but for 1.50tl it’s not an unhealthy snack. I didn’t try the chestnuts because I’ve had them before and didn’t like the taste, but I did buy some chocolate covered ones from Koska that I’m waiting to try when my cold is over and I can taste again.

It’s always tea time.

Tea: Turkish “çay” is drunk all day long all over the place. Neighborhoods and markets commonly have tea runners zipping through crowds with a silver platter of tea glasses and sugar cubes. I sat at a hookah bar in an old market cafe and sipped some tea while I finished off a simit one day and it was a nice was to relax. It was cheap (1.50tl) and flavorful but bitter. Most people don’t drink all the way to the bottom of the glass because then you get some tea leaves. Storekeepers leave their empty glasses sitting outside on the sidewalk to be picked up later. I resisted the urge to collect the pretty things myself.

Making me the best fish sandwich ever.

Fresh fish sandwich: Go to the riverbank alongside the Galata Bridge and get the best fish sandwich ever. Not from those restaurants under the bridge, but walk past the fish market and see the guys working their own grills with piles of veggies and spices and fish filets ready to be deboned for you. The best 5tl you will ever spend (exact change if you have it). Just watching them debone the filets is worth walking down there. Bring a drink, as the man is just in the sandwich biz.  What I learned from watching this guy is that I don’t put nearly enough spices in my food.  He had a pile of what looked like parprika/cumin/who knows what and he just kept throwing handfuls on my fish.  I resisted the urge to ask him to stop and of course, as he knew it would be, the sandwich was delicious.

A hot cup of gluey salep.

Salep: This is an interesting drink. It looks and has the consistency of Elmer’s glue. I got some one night at the Hippodrome and it was chilly so I was glad to have a hot cup in my hands. It is supposedly a good winter drink and makes you strong. Later I looked it up and found by strong they mean virile and salep is from the Latin word meaning “fox testicle”. Hm. Salep is orchid root flour and in this drink it is mixed with milk and honey and I’m not sure what else and topped with cinnamon. A stir stick would have been nice because it was thick stuff but drink it while its hot or it gets even thicker. It was a nice mild flowery flavor, not unpleasant. The whole virility thing makes me wonder if it is supposed to be a man’s drink though and if I broke some taboo by buying it.

Turkish Delight. The original gummy candy.

Lokum: Ah, Turkish Delight. Can’t go to Turkey and not have some. In fact, I was given a piece on the plane not long after we took off. The guys behind me thought it was cheese and I was embarrassed for them. How can you be going in Istanbul and not even know what Turkish Delight looks like? Anyway, it’s delicious chewy candy squares covered in corn starch (so they don’t stick together). Traditional flavors are pistachio and rose. I have a box of rose but like the chestnuts, I am waiting until I can taste again. I hear they taste just like a rose though.

I’m skeptical, but anything covered in chocolate can’t be all bad.

By the way, remember that although you’ll be able to bring honey back to the states with you, you can’t bring any meat products. Which sucks because I bought a nice lump of cured pastrami that was vacuum sealed and I thought it would be a great gift for my husband. Which it would have been, but then I was reminded by facebook friends that it was probably not going to clear customs. Internet research confirmed this and sadly, I left it behind for the housekeepers.

Ah, my poor pastrami, what a stupid purchase.

Of course there’s more food than this that should be tried, but I just didn’t get to it.  Maybe next time  I did almost fail and walk into one of the American chains I saw:  Starbucks, McDonald’s and Burger King.  But in the end what kept me from being a loser and getting the familiar Happy Meal was not only my love for having my fat chicken pita in the park but also the price.  15tl for a meal?  I couldn’t do that when the best stuff  around was 5-8tl.  American fast food thinks a little too highly of itself in a land with so much deliciousness.

P.s. I realized just now I forgot to mention my absolute favorite food find: sour cherry juice. It’s delicious and I drank it on the airplane and at breakfast every chance I got along with a dish of diced cucumbers and tomatoes in lemon olive oil. Good stuff. Do we have sour cherry juice here? Must remember to go looking for it