The Three Day Diet Skeptic

I’m going to try the Three Day Diet, aka the Military Diet, aka the Cardiac Diet. And if I’m going to do something as dumb as trying a fad diet, of course I’ll blog it for you. I’ve never done a fad diet by the way. I don’t believe anything is going to help you besides a full-on change in how you feel about eating and fitness permanently.

My boss mentioned this diet that she was on the other day and said she’d lost over 30 pounds using it on and off (with regular exercise). I thought it sounded weird because it seems very rigid and restrictive but also wondered if it would help jump start me back on the healthy eating and fitness path. I was at my ideal weight and fitness level @5 years ago and got lazy so now I’m having a hard time finding the motivation to get back where I was. I thought about looking it up and then promptly forgot all about it. Later that evening as I was looking at food porn on Pinterest, this diet pops up and I took it as a sign that maybe I should check it out, just for kicks. I mean, being miserable for three days to test this supposedly proven diet (although proven by what entity the blogs never say) isn’t going to kill me. Right? Maybe just make me want to die.

So I read a few blogs that discuss this diet and I won’t link to any of them here because they are easy to search for and basically say the exact same thing, almost word for word. I wish people would actually write about their experiences rather than just copying a blog entry into theirs for the sake of making some imaginary blogging quota or whatnot. I digress. Sorry, that’s anther rant for another day. I got my list of meals together and picked it all up at the last Wal-Mart run. It’s nothing I wouldn’t eat anyway, just rather small amounts and substitutions are not allowed (or heavily frowned upon if you want this to work). You follow these meals for three days and supposedly they are the right amounts and ingredients to get your metabolism going and start burning off fat. Sounds like a crazy chemical reaction of explosive awesomeness but I’m neither a chemist nor a dietitian. Then you eat like a normal healthy person (maybe those two words don’t go together) for the other four days and you try it all over again the next week until you are satisfied with your weight loss. Detractors claim that you are only losing water weight, not fat. Also, there is the peril of putting the weight right back on after you stop this insanity. My personal goal is to drop @5 pounds with the diet which will motivate me to keep on the healthy eating track, get me back at the gym, fit into my clothes better and I will then lose my additional 10 pounds by changing my lifestyle back to how it was before I let things slide. You can’t just lose weight. You have to be more conscious of what goes into your body and you have to get fit so you have the muscle tone to haul your ass around. I know this, really I do. I was at my healthiest when I was eating a low carb diet because I have migraines that are often triggered by sugar/refined carbs and working out regularly. I think I just got lazy and failed to maintain once I had lost all the weight I wanted – losing weight wasn’t even the plan, stopping the migraines was! In my opinion, if you want a “diet” that works, go Low Glycemic Index.

But here we are, with a three day plan, to see what happens. Here’s what I’m eating today:

Day One Breakfast: 1/2 a grapefruit, one piece of bread or toast, 2 tablespoons peanut butter and a cup of tea or coffee. (Not bad, about the amount I would normally eat, but who the hell has only 1/2 a grapefruit? Annoying, but I’ll play along. And there’s no mention for coffee drinkers if they can have milk in it but I think Splenda is your only approved sweetener.)

Day One Lunch: 1/2 cup of tuna, one piece of bread or toast and a cup of tea or coffee. (Hm, now I don’t get any peanut butter to put on my bread and I wish I could have some fruit, but I squished a 5oz can of tuna into my 1/2 measuring cup so huzzah! Seriously – I’m not setting aside 1 ounce of tuna for Thursday. I’ve probably ruined everything now.)

Day One Dinner: 3 ounces of any type of meat, 1 cup of green beans, 1/2 banana, 1 small apple, and 1 cup of vanilla ice cream. (That’s just a weird combination of stuff, and I don’t understand how vanilla ice cream comes in here, but at least I get some fruits and veggies. I may be a rebel and eat an entire small banana though.)

I’m going to share some numbers with you now, which might make you hate me. See I’m not exactly overweight or anything, just not where I want to be. I’m only posting this so we can track what progress (if any) I make. I weighed myself today @11:30am on Day One, and I will weigh myself on the morning of Day Four as well as next Monday to see if anything I lost came right back. I don’t expect to lose a lot (people advertise up to 10 pounds in three days) because I don’t have a lot to lose in the first place. This morning I weigh 130.5 pounds. I’m 5′ 2″ and have obtained the “spare tire” and the dreaded thigh cellulite – I refuse to accept these things as part of middle age.

I’m going to post this on Day One and try to update as something interesting happens, rather than saving this as a draft. Otherwise, I’m afraid it will end up in the Land of Lost Drafts and I’ll never get around to finishing it. But first, here’s what I’ll be eating for the other two days.

Day Two Breakfast: 1 egg, 1 piece of bread or toast, and 1/2 banana. (Notice no more coffee or tea, and they never mention if I can butter my bread…)

Day Two Lunch: 1 cup of cottage cheese or 2 ounces of cheddar cheese, 1 hard boiled egg, and 5 saltine crackers. (Which makes me think I’ll be feeling nauseous by this time?)

Day Two Dinner: 2 hot dogs (no buns or ketchup, mustard ok), 1 cup of broccoli, 1/2 cup of carrots, 1/2 banana, and 1/2 cup of vanilla ice cream. (What is with all this 1/2 banana bullshit???)

By the way, I also read somewhere that you can drink as much water as you want, and should ideally drink (in ounces) half the number you weigh (in pounds). If you are a heavy water drinker, please chime in here: If I drink 65 ounces of water per day, I will be very unproductive at work because I’ll be getting up to pee every 15 minutes. Does your body adjust to that over time or would I always be running to a bathroom. I can’t live like that; life is too short to spend that much of it in a bathroom.

Day Three Breakfast: 5 saltine crackers, 2 ounces of cheddar cheese, and 1 small apple. (I think this is the suckiest “meal” of the entire diet.)

Day Three Lunch: 1 hard-boiled egg, and 1 slice of bread or toast. (Ok, I lied, this is worse than breakfast.)

Day Three Dinner: 1 cup of tuna, 1/2 of a banana, and 1 cup of vanilla ice cream. (At least I get a whole cup of ice cream again.)

DAY TWO UPDATE!!!

I’m writing this @24 hours after the above section. Here’s what I am thinking so far:

• I’m hungry.
• I’m not very good at food measuring.
• I miss snacking – I prefer “grazing” to three big meals a day (not that these are big).
• I find myself thinking about what I’d like to grab to eat and then have to remind myself no – you aren’t really eating today.
• I don’t see how someone who cooks for others could stand this. Kids and needy spouses would have to fend for themselves for a few days.
• DON’T look at Pinterest, unless you are looking specifically at sections that have nothing to do with food. As if such a section actually exists on Pinterest.
• I wish it would be explained WHAT in each of these foods is so important, so I could make logical substitutions if I needed. For example, ice cream doesn’t usually agree with me but frozen Greek yogurt and I get along just fine. Will that ruin everything?
• Where is this diet “proven” other than andecdotal evidence?
• My Dr. would probably kill me if she knew I was trying this.
• I’m fucking hungry.

That’s my sad lunch from Day Two that I am currently “enjoying”.

HOLY SHIT YA’LL IT’S DAY THREE!!!

That’s right, another 24 hours have gone by and I haven’t gnawed off my foot in desperation.  Because my foot’s not on the PLAN.  I’m still hungrier than a mo-fo but other than that, I feel fine.  Other people have experienced headaches, dizziness, weakness…just from being around me (bada-ba ching!).  Seriously, I feel good, just hungry.  I haven’t had to restrict my normal activities (which pretty much includes lying on a couch watching TV after work, unless I ride my bike to run errands.)  And lunch is coming up – the best lunch of the WHOLE experience!  Yes, I can’t wait to savor that hard boiled egg and piece of bread.  FML.  But after that it gets better because I can be normal again, and eat all the fruit I currently have going to rot in my fridge waiting for me.  I will say though that last night I actually felt like I had enough to eat for dinner.  However, it’s really REALLY hard to eat an entire cup of broccoli when you don’t care for it to begin with and now you can’t dump cheese on it to make it palatable.  Plus now I have a shitload of leftover broccoli that I don’t ever want to eat.

BTW – I was a rebel this morning and had SIX crackers instead of five.  I’m sure I’ve ruined everything now.

THE BIG REVEAL – IT’S DAY FOUR!!!

Hey, I get to eat again!  But you don’t care.  You only want to know if I’ve lost any weight.  So using the same scale at the same time of day, even wearing similar clothes and the same shoes I can tell you that I now weigh…

129

Hm.  Did you expect something more epic?  I guess I really didn’t.  I weigh 1.5 pounds lighter on Thursday than I did on Monday.  And that doesn’t seem like so much that it can’t be explained by normal weight fluctuations.  I will try to eat mostly healthy for the rest of the week (although I do like my movie popcorn and I’ll never pass up the offer of a doughnut) and we’ll see what I weigh next Monday.  My thoughts on this:

• Was it worth it to be hungry all the time?  I’m not sure.  But I did come to realize that I could still get up and move about and be productive even if I was starving.  The world didn’t stop turning and I didn’t get the migraine I was expecting.
• This is probably much harder for people who drink a lot of caffeine  because after the first day it’s a no-no on most lists I’ve seen.  That might be a deal breaker for some.
• On the plus side, I’ve been able to increase my water intake greatly and I’m sure my body would appreciate if I kept that up.
• Will I try this again?  Maybe?  I really don’t know what I think at this point.  I’d probably be all over it if I’d lost 5 pounds.
• I DO feel lighter and more full of energy the past two days which isn’t usual for me.  I would guess it’s the lack of sugar?  And it’s nice to not feel all bloated when you eat way more than you need.
• My digestive system was definitely happier with me – with the exception of the 5:30am call of protest I got from my stomach about eating ice cream that first night.  I can tell a difference right now, after eating a good-sized salad for lunch.  Smaller surely is better, but I would have smaller more than three times a day.

So How’s That Nose Piercing? 2 Month Report

It’s still there!  No major disasters, just a minor trauma now and then – usually when I’m half asleep and run my hand over my face.  Although there was that incident in the shower with the scrubby sponge.  That really hurt.

I’m getting antsy to change the stud even though I know it’s too early.  And even though I have no idea how I will actually get a nose screw OUT of my nose.  Yes, I could drive all the way back to the piercer and have her do it for me in about a month (minimum recommended healing time) but dammit – it’s my nose and I’m an adult.  I should be able to do this!  I actually watched a video of someone putting a screw in, so that makes sense, but the out part still seems impossible and potentially really painful.  I mean, the thing has a 90 degree bend in it.  It’s IN here.  Which is what you want if you want it secure and to not fall out while you are sleeping or playing sports (as if) or something.  Part of why I want to change it is that it doesn’t seem as sparkly as I want it to be, but that might be my imagination or the fact that I see other people’s piercing from the side and can only see mine straight on.  It might also be because it’s bezel set and not prong set, which really is the safer choice when you are worried about it catching on something.  I have a little stud collection (that’s what she said) so I really want to try out the 14k gold & ruby one.  I just can’t imagine changing it yet.

I think it’s healing well.  There’s no pain on the outside and only a little sore on the inside, probably from the bent steel pressing on it a bit.  I am still using the H2Ocean spray to clean inside and out 2-3 times a day.  I also try to use warm sea salt water and a cotton ball  as a compress on the outside for a few minutes each night.  This is for what I think is the dreaded “nose bump” .  It looks a little like a blister around the outside of the bottom of the hole and it’s really only noticeable to me.  I’ve read that sea salt compresses help and it should disappear eventually with more healing.  Hey, it’s better than an infection.  To help with allergies I use a sinus rinse in the morning too so I’m sure this helps with cleaning.  I just have been doing that for years anyway.

And to answer Mandy’s burning question about what happens when you get a cold?  I didn’t get a cold yet but my nose is perpetually stuffy and snotty because I live in constant allergy seasons.  So yes, when I am cleaning with the Q-Tip I spin the stud around and have to get some goop off.  But you have kids – I’m sure you’ve dealt with grosser in the snot department.

Golden Girl or Gangster?

If any of you have problems with chronic dry eye, you understand what I deal with every day.  For those that don’t, just thinking about trying to explain the hassles and discomfort makes me want to crawl into bed all depressed and take a nap.  But I’m not going to whine about it or get into treatment methods and such (Treatment methods.  Ha!  As if.)  Today I’m on the hunt for sunglasses.

I’ve been devoted to sunglasses for years because of the dry eye problem caused by autoimmune issues, (I have pairs stashed everywhere) but I think they must have gotten worse lately.  Either that or sunglasses manufacturers are starting to really suck at their job.  You know how you feel after going to the eye doctor for an exam and your pupils are dilated and the light is so awful you drive most of the way home with your eyes closed?  This.  Every time I leave the house.  Except my pupils aren’t dilated and time won’t fix it.  If I still lived in Buffalo it wouldn’t be a big deal since 97% of the days there are at least slightly overcast.  (I’m being kind – it’s more like 99.9%.)  But it’s just ridiculously bright in the South.

My eyes hate me. It’s early enough in the day that I don’t look high at least.

In doing some preliminary sunglasses research, it seems I want “super dark” or a #4 filter.  I grabbed the pair closest to me and see they are a #3, and those aren’t nearly cutting it.  My choices seem limited – even more so as a female, and don’t get me started on my small adult/large child-sized head.  The choices I have found seem to fall into 2 categories:

The geriatric “cocoon” glasses which will make me look like…well…an extra in Cocoon.

The Locas gangster shades.  For real.  ”Eazy-Z’s and NWA’s very own Gansta Shades”.  I’m leaning towards the Homegirl 2 or Chula styles.  If I can get past the fear of some homegirl beating my ass for wearing them.  Actually no, I’ll probably try a pair of the men’s because that’s the kind they have listed under the “Dark Locs” section from what I can tell, and hope they won’t be too huge.  I can get a pair with a pot leaf on the side or in a teardrop bandanna pattern.  Oh my God, it has come to this.  I’ll let you see how awesome they are when they arrive.  I’m still worried about a beating but I think I’m safe if I avoid getting the ones that say Vato Loco on them, or the Brown Pride baseball cap.

 

UPDATE:  I got my gansta glasses in and they are pretty awesome.  I had been worried about the men’s being too big for my little head but actually they are right for me and tight on my husband, while the ladies ‘ are tight on my head.  Odd.   Is that so I don’t lose my glasses while running from The Law?  In any case, the men’s “Dark Locs” are doing the job!

New Locs! (The white is Locas)

 

Would This Be a Mid-Life Crisis?

I don’t really have a bucket list per se, but there are things I’ve always wanted to do that pop in my head every now and then and make me go “oh yeah – I should get on that”.  One thing that’s popped up for 20 years is getting my nose pierced.  Lenny Kravitz and Ani DiFranco are to blame for this, back in the early 90′s.  At that time, I tended to care too much about what people thought ( and by “people” I mean mostly my boyfriend and my parents)  and I never tried it.  I still care now, but not in a way that makes me alter what I want to do if it isn’t hurting anyone.  And frankly, it’s the least of the evils when you consider what troubling things other people do on their birthdays.  Although if this is what I pull on my 39th birthday I shudder to think what I’ll come up with to get out of my system on the 40th.  My husband has a whole year to fear this.

I won’t tell you the step by step, but I know I made a good choice Tuesday in going where I did (Sadu, Charlotte NC).  They only do piercing, not tattoos with some body jewelry as an afterthought.    They do this all day long, deal with problems and complications, and have plenty of jewelry choices for all sorts of modifications that completely creep me the fuck out.  I’m the pansy that just wants a stud in her nostril – they could do that in their sleep.  And supernice.  That’s one of my big things when I walk into any kind of shop – are the people acting way too cool for their own good?  Fine.  I don’t need people with those insecurities, I’ll go somewhere else.

I chose the smallest thing they had – a 1.5mm diamond bezel-set (no prongs) in steel.  It was tiny in the cabinet but I still think it looks too big on my face.  Maybe I’m just not used to seeing it on my face.  It might look smaller later.  IDK.  The jury’s still out on how I feel about it.  That’s doesn’t mean I regret it though – if I take it out tomorrow it was still worth doing.  I would have regretted more never trying something I wanted to try.

Mom says this looks like a wart on my nose. Dad says "you're almost 40 - take that out."

I even let them talk me into buying the H2Ocean stuff to clean the piercing because I was expecting to pay a lot more than I did – tattoos are way more expensive and that’s what I’m used to shelling out for.  By the way Yes, I’m more of a giant baby about ONE needle and one second than I am about lots of needles for hours.   The piercer  is female and she was very kind and gave me much wisdom about what was going to happen.  I even had a medical table to lie on.  Seriously – no ratty old chairs that I have to contort in like the tattoo places?  Heaven.

Breathing exercise:  Take a deep breath and hold it.  Then count “1, 2, 3″ as you breathe out through your mouth.  While this happens, imagine a giant, blunt object being forced through a pore in the side of your nose.  Like a foot.  Okay, the needle is relatively small but it FELT gigantic.  I think I said something like “Ohhhhhhh wOWwwwwww…” and thought that if the hole ever closes up before I want it to, I’m not doing it again.  Two days later, I don’t remember quite how painful that was, but I remember that very important single thought.  It’s as if I need to remember that thought for my own safety because really, I am a danger to myself.

I cannot remember in my life having a sensation weirder than lying on a table with the knowledge that I have a big ass needle in my nose.  I knew I would regret not bringing my camera – I’ve let us all down here and I apologize.  After some calming breaths, the stud was in and the blood eventually stopped.  I sat up and didn’t pass out so I felt like a freakin’ champ.  Once my husband came home and found out I did not have a new tattoo as well, he seemed okay.  Not that he likes a piercing, but he really hates tattoos.

Two days later and at times I get a little anxious – I like things simple and comfortable.  Healing a piercing is going to be a challenge.  I get worked up about when the first time is going to be that it gets caught in a sweater and yanked or something.  I don’t wear heels, my hair is an inch long, I remove the tags from my clothes – I don’t DO discomfort or complicated.  But luckily I sleep on my back, rinse my sinuses twice a day with saline, eat pretty healthy and don’t smoke.  I’m ahead of the game for healing this sucker.  I had a lovely experience yesterday while I was eating lunch though.  I chose a stir fry with Thai chili sauce (you think you know where I’m going with this but you don’t – I didn’t accidently get hot sauce on my nose).  As I finished eating, my piercing felt tingly so I held a napkin to it and discovered it was oozing blood out the top of the hole.  WHAT THE HELL.  Lesson learned:  that red flush your face gets when eating spicy food is blood rushing to it…don’t have a hole around where it can escape.

Seriously – that was not in the aftercare pamphlet.

Today is better.  No constant ring of dried blood around the diamond (insert tasteless blood diamond jokes here) and it’s not infected yet.  I still am not good at moving the curved “tail” around in my nose when I am cleaning it.  Freaks me out a little.  A lot.  My husband looked at it while we were with friends tonight and said it must be infected because it looks like it’s getting red.  Turns out he was just kidding.  Fucker.  Wait until next year.

My Workout Rules for YOU

Let me preface this with: I am terribly proud that you work out, no matter how sporadically you do it and how badly you are dressed for it. I am in no position to talk about fashion sense or your love handles, although I reserve the right to mock you for racewalking. But, if you could just agree to a few simple rules it would make my workout experience so much better. And it’s all about me you know.

1. Start with your entrance into the facility. Don’t let me catch you hitting the handicap button and waiting for the door to open. Consider opening the door on your own part of your warm-up routine, you lazy fuck.

2. Treadmill: if you are only going to walk on it, don’t waste time stretching. I don’t think you are at risk of pulling anything. If you are a man with size 13 feet, learn to run without slapping them down as violently as possible. I say this out of concern for your hips and knees. You’ll miss them when they’re gone.

3. I am so not interested in your flirting with the person trying to work out next to me. The volume on my iPod doesn’t go high enough to block out awkward small talk. Even Rob Zombie fails me here.

4. My iPod also fails to overcome you and your friend working out on either side of me. My high school track coach always said that if you can talk, you aren’t working hard enough. Feel that man’s wisdom. You make me daydream about what kind of Jackie Chan moves I could do to the both of you without missing a step on the elliptical machine.

5. Shower before working out if you must, but skip the perfume. It might be nice in small doses but I can’t take more than a few seconds of Britney Spears’ Curious seeping out of your pores.

Thank you. With your help I will lose 10 pounds.

Better Living Through Chemistry – or Not

“So, tell me I’m crazy and there’s nothing wrong with me.”

“Well, maybe one of those.”
“If it’s one, it’s both.”

The Sleep Study in Non-Dr. Terms: (I write posts like this to remind myself of what doctors tell me because I start to forget the important stuff shortly after I leave their office.)

No sleep apnea,obstructions, oxygen levels were good, very few “sleep events” and no need for a CPAP machine. There were obvious problems however, like taking too long to fall asleep and having a greater percentage of stage 1 sleep and less delta sleep than I should – and in the wrong part of the night. The official diagnosis he listed as snoring – even though that’s not really the case. There was normal snoring which wasn’t even audible, it was just picked up by the sensor glued to my throat.

His non-official non-diagnosis is “non-restorative sleep”. That used to be what the diagnosis would be but apparently that’s not recognized these days because it doesn’t state what the actual cause is. And the cause is…me…kind of.

If there’s no physical reason, there has to be a mental one. And if I trained myself to sleep this badly I can theoretically train myself out of it. In fact, we think I have become so accustomed to being woken up at night for various job things like a duty phone or fire alarm or drunks on the porch, etc. for years that every real or imagined noise is perceived as something I might need to get up and take care of. The doctor actually compared me to soldiers who come home from Iraq and wake up to every noise thinking it’s a threat they have to defend themselves from. It’s not just work of course but that’s possibly a big part of it. I mean I’ve been doing this for what – 15 years in various places?

So yeah, retraining the brain. He told me about something called brainwave music. Google it – I have to later to remember all he was talking about. I copied this from a site: ” innovative techniques for embedding brainwave audio processes into lush, multilayered, ambient musical soundtracks. After a few minutes of listening, your own brainwaves naturally “lock” onto these audio pulses, to lead you easily to the state of mind you want to experience.” Which means I can get a CD with sleep stages and learn to sleep like a normal person again.

But until then there’s Ambien. *cue choir of angels*

I was psyched to pick up a prescription that I had to show I.D. for. I expected great things, although it turns out not to work that great for me – plus gives me the WORST acid reflux of my life.  Since I already take medicine daily for that, I don’t see how I can have a relationship with Ambien.  The Doc has a plan B which adds something to the Ambien that sounds like if you can’t fall asleep with that combination, you are not only never going to sleep but will also live until the end of time.

I tried the sleep CD for a while but I didn’t really notice much difference, other than there was weird music playing when I woke up.  I’ve also found that sometimes a teeny does of melatonin will help as much as the Ambien did (if I’m lucky I’d get 4 hours of sleep without waking up.  That’s pretty freakin’ good when it happens).  In the end, I’ve decided I will sleep when I’m ready to sleep and worrying myself so much about it doesn’t help anything.  Seeing doctors about it only spends my money.  I should just enjoy the random, short sleep that I DO get.  I could keep going back to the sleep Doc so he can try different meds on me, but it’s never been a goal of mine to be medicated.  Pills for GERD and the Lupus/Sjogrens  are more than enough.  When my mind decides it’s going to let me sleep longer than 90 minutes at a time, it will happen.  I tell my PCP that my brain got me into this mess and eventually it will get me out of it.

OCM Relationship Status Update: It’s Complicated

I realized I haven’t mentioned lately where I’m at with the whole Oil Cleansing Method thing and maybe you are wondering if I just finally took a blowtorch to my face.  Well…I’m still using the cleansing oils, but with a shit ton of other stuff.

My face has a lot of baggage.

I know, I know, I was trying to simplify.  But I was also trying to get the ridiculous adult acne under control and I thought simplifying would be the answer.  I still believe oil is the best thing for your face, especially jojoba oil, but I had to add some chemicals back in – and a secret weapon!

So here’s the routine, and how it’s changed.

• I still use my mixture of castor, jojoba and grapeseed oil to clean my face.  I like it; I find it relaxing to sit on the bed and watch TV while massaging the goop.  But then you are supposed to take a hot washcloth and steam your face to get all the now-gunked oil out of your pores and I was never very good with that part.  Hence the addition of…
• The Desert Essence face wash.  It helps kill bacteria while getting everything evil off my face without being too harsh.  But then you lose that great moisturizing benefit of the cleansing oil so…
• Four drops of jojoba oil back on the face, and the Burt’s Bees cream around my eyes.  Although honestly, I’m only using the Burt’s because I happen to have the bottle and I want to use it up.  Even on sale, Burt’s is stupidly expensive.  The jojoba does a great job on its own, including on my lips and miracle of miracles —IT DOES NOT MAKE ME BREAK OUT.  I can’t explain to you how exciting that is.  But I still felt I needed more help.  So then…
• Back to the chemicals and the classic zit arsenal of salicylic acid and benzoyl peroxide.  But the BP is only 2.5% (studies show it’s just as effective as 10%) and that only goes on my forehead and my jawline.  BTW, at some point my bumpy forehead cleared up and except for the occasional normal pimple it’s been better than I can remember it ever being.  Partial victory!  The SA is low also and obviously I can’t take that 4oz bottle on a plane BUT I recently found E.L.F. products at Target and they make a 1.5% SA rollerball stick that’s pocket sized and only cost’s $1.  Deal of the century.  The SA only goes on my jawline.  That’s still the area I can’t clear up, but it’s getting better because of the Secret Weapon…

Hades in a bottle.

I was researching facial peels one day and getting depressed at how much a professional peel costs, as well as going cross-eyed reading all the reviews of over the counter products.  Then I discovered that I could get professional strength peels in varying strengths and with varying acids pretty cheaply online.  Amazon, of course – don’t they sell everything these days?  This idea was dangerous.  I could seriously hurt myself.  I’m considering putting ACID on my face?  Reading about all this was freaking me out, but the price was right.  (A lot of stories with unhappy endings include that line don’t they?)  So I chose a 20% salicylic acid peel for $16. Entry level, for sally-asses.  I think I could have gotten 90%; I can’t even begin to imagine the damage that would cause.

It showed up too quickly.  I hadn’t psyched myself up for it yet and here was this little box that contained a glass bottle of 20% Hades in it.  I eyed it with dread.  Could I do this?  What would happen?

I had read that at this low strength, I wouldn’t have any downtime – in other words I wouldn’t look like a burn victim that would scare people if I went to work the next day.  But I also read a review about rinsing with baking soda and water to neutralize the acid (the bottle instructions failed to mention this, although they did advise rinsing with “copious amounts” of water) and there was a long list of don’ts for the hours afterwards (no makeup, no sun, no sweating, etc.).

So I did it.  And about once a week I do it again. It’s not comfortable – the word “sizzle” comes to mind. Probably 4 or 5 times by now and I still have 75% of the bottle left.  The objective is to not only clear up the acne but to speed up cell turnover to get rid of all the scarring and my awesome sun pigmentation.  (Yes, I’m using sunscreen religiously.)  Slow work, but I see immediate progress in the severity and frequency of the breakouts.  That’s more than I can say for anything else I’ve tried so far so I’ll stick with it.  Maybe even go with something stronger eventually, like a crazed beauty junkie.

It’s Never Lupus. Unless It’s Lupus. Until it’s Not Lupus.

Let me back up a bit.

For over 10 years, I have had the diagnosis of “Lupus with Secondary Sjogren’s Syndrome”.  Those are auto-immune diseases and the most basic explanation for them is that my immune system gets confused and attacks stuff that it shouldn’t.  Like my joints, skin, tear ducts, major organs.  You know – things it should be protecting.

When I moved to this area, I got my first “real” doctor and she did my blood work again and again because she didn’t like what the results were showing.  Then she told me I might have lupus and referred me to a rheumatologist who agreed.  Each doctor expected me to be falling over with relief at this diagnosis, as people with autoimmune problems generally have tons of random symptoms that most doctors say are pretty much imaginary.  For years, patients will be told things are “all in their heads” and it can be terribly difficult to get a diagnosis.  And no one will treat you for something if you can’t get a diagnosis for it, because insurance companies want a diagnosis in order to pay for treatment (or deny it).  I felt generally tired and achy and I thought that was just a part of getting old, so I wasn’t really thrilled to have a chronic illness and medication to take every day for the rest of my life.

Fast forward to May 2011.  I get to see a new rheumy because my insurance changed and I am no longer allowed to see the other one over the state border.  Being a brand new patient means I get the major battery of lab tests, even though he also has all my past records.  Doctors do love their lab tests.  He’ll see me every six months from now on unless I have a problem.

Today at my visit he tells me that I have “Primary Sjogren’s Syndrome“.  That’s it.  I do not have lupus.  I DO NOT HAVE LUPUS.  (That isn’t nearly as satisfying to type as it is to yell over the phone to your husband by the way.)  There is no evidence of lupus in my test results and I have no idea why.  He says it’s not the kind of thing that comes and goes.  I’m pretty sure I have super powers.  In any case, I’m not nearly as sick as I was told I am.  I am not going to die from this.  Ok, I am LESS likely to die from this (SS is the only autoimmune disease that can turn malignant, in @ 8% of people).

Yeah, it’s still an auto-immune illness and I’m still taking Plaquenil, but there is much less chance of ever having major organ failure and taking the more serious and toxic immuno-suppressing drugs.  And everyone’s got to have something, right?

The OCM Antics Continue

This will probably be my last Oil Cleansing Method update for a while, now that it’s a few days shy of one month and I *think* things are starting to normal out.

But last week was bad.  Really bad.  It got worse after I wrote last week’s update. Places that never break out joined in the fray and my whole face was just hurting.  It was disgusting and I piled on the cover-up  until things subsided.  And lucky you, in honor of my grossness I have made for you my first ever drawing using MS Paint.  This is what I looked like last week:

Oh, the HORROR! Brought to you in MS Paint garishness.

I also used an old friend – the mud mask – several times.   I love mud masks but don’t pay big $$  for them.  Go to Walgreen’s and pay $4 for the Queen Helene Mint Julep mud mask.  I don’t think fancy clay works any better than Queen Helen’s clay.  This week is suddenly better, and I don’t think it’s just all that clay.

The new OCM formula

There’s the mix I’m using now: @30% castor, @30% jojoba and @40% grapeseed.  And next time I need castor I discovered I can get it at Compare (supermarket with a lot of hispanic food and beauty products) for $2 instead of $5.99.  So suck it, CVS.

What’s going on with all the bumpy skin and eruptions (supposedly, from what I have read) is that your skin is purging itself of all the evil in your pores faster than usual.  I think that’s accurate and I vaguely remember a similar reaction years ago when I was using Proactive.  I liked Proactive by the way, but I got bleach stains on EVERYTHING so it became not worth it.  Towels, sheets, pillowcases, favorite t-shirts, my husband’s clothes, things I didn’t even know my face came anywhere near…frustrating and expensive.  So Proactive can suck it too.

Anyway – my oils are doing good I think.  Slowly these bumpy patches are going to give it up and I might feel normal.  Wait, have you met me?  Yeah, there’s no way I’ll ever pass for normal.  AND I have a new face friend to try out:  I finally got my hands on a jar of Perlop’s Concha Nacar #3.

The mystery mud...

For an item that is supposedly at CVS, Walgreen’s and Walmart, it sure is hard to find.  I finally ended up ordering it online through Amazon.  I almost thought I found it at Compare but they had other Concha Nacar creams (it means mother of pearl btw) and those all had scary sounding ingredients.  NOT the kind of natural I am looking for.  It’s basically a mud mask, but with a few other things like lemon juice, papaya and oyster shell.  It may help not only with acne but my pigmentation issues!  And if it doesn’t, it cost a whole $4.  It says “bleaching cream” but it’s really not a bleach or a cream – it’s a gritty paste and smells like old ladies and moth balls.  It washes off easy and hopefully doesn’t throw a wrench in this well oiled machine…

Putting the mask to the test. Boo!

OCM Update: I like cleaning with condiments

Short update on the oil cleansing method (OCM) since it’s been almost three weeks….still doing it.

Still liking it too, although sometimes I have to remember why I am doing it.  I want to not over-dry my skin with harsh chemicals that strip my face of essential oils and make my face produce even more oil to compensate.  Yes.  And in that respect, things are working.  The weather is changing to cool here and I am not having any tight or dry skin issues after cleansing.  But my two biggest skin problems are acne and hyper-pigmentation and I still don’t know what to do about those.  Theoretically my skin will clear up (zit-wise) as oil dissolves the oil plugging your pores.  But man, it’s hard to be patient.  On the other hand, nothing I was doing before seemed to be helping so it’s not like I stopped doing something that was working to change to OCM.  Blemishes are particularly bad this week so I’ve actually been wearing makeup which is rare, trying to cover them up.  You know that lady who puts on foundation in the hopes of masking the bad skin and inadvertently draws your attention to it even more?  Yeah, I’m  that lady right now.  I’m not sure if the OCM is to blame because really, it could just be my skin hating on me as usual.

I’m changing the oil formula slightly, after a small setback.  Mandy you were right.  Jojoba oil should not smell like much of anything.  My bottle was rancid.  So glad I figured that out before I put more than a little bit in my castor oil/EVOO mixture.  Bless Earth Fare for letting me exchange bottles without a receipt!  Now as I’m using up the mixture I made, I am adding a 25/75 mix of castor and jojoba to the bottle.  The smell is changing from salad dressing to not much of anything and the consistency is getting thinner.  Jojoba is supposed to be good for acne so here’s hoping.  In the morning in the shower, I am still washing my face with raw honey – supposedly antibacterial and antimicrobial.

I actually enjoy washing my face with condiments.

Now, if I could figure out how to fix the hyper-pigmentation, I’d be a pretty happy camper.  I’m on the right track to keeping it from getting worse now that I have a stockpile of my favorite  sunscreen to use every day, but every OTC product that promises to lighten what I’ve got isn’t doing squat.  I’ve tried Meladerm, Clinique, Olay, Aveeno products and they were a waste of time and money.  I’m half-heartedly using the Ambi on some spots now and I guess I don’t care if that doesn’t work because it’s only 4 bucks and doesn’t make me break out like the Meladerm did.  If I really wanted to get crazy (and some days I do) I would ask for a referral to a dermatologist and learn more about Fraxel laser treatments.  Egads, I’m willing to burn my face off.