The Three Day Diet Skeptic

I’m going to try the Three Day Diet, aka the Military Diet, aka the Cardiac Diet. And if I’m going to do something as dumb as trying a fad diet, of course I’ll blog it for you. I’ve never done a fad diet by the way. I don’t believe anything is going to help you besides a full-on change in how you feel about eating and fitness permanently.

My boss mentioned this diet that she was on the other day and said she’d lost over 30 pounds using it on and off (with regular exercise). I thought it sounded weird because it seems very rigid and restrictive but also wondered if it would help jump start me back on the healthy eating and fitness path. I was at my ideal weight and fitness level @5 years ago and got lazy so now I’m having a hard time finding the motivation to get back where I was. I thought about looking it up and then promptly forgot all about it. Later that evening as I was looking at food porn on Pinterest, this diet pops up and I took it as a sign that maybe I should check it out, just for kicks. I mean, being miserable for three days to test this supposedly proven diet (although proven by what entity the blogs never say) isn’t going to kill me. Right? Maybe just make me want to die.

So I read a few blogs that discuss this diet and I won’t link to any of them here because they are easy to search for and basically say the exact same thing, almost word for word. I wish people would actually write about their experiences rather than just copying a blog entry into theirs for the sake of making some imaginary blogging quota or whatnot. I digress. Sorry, that’s anther rant for another day. I got my list of meals together and picked it all up at the last Wal-Mart run. It’s nothing I wouldn’t eat anyway, just rather small amounts and substitutions are not allowed (or heavily frowned upon if you want this to work). You follow these meals for three days and supposedly they are the right amounts and ingredients to get your metabolism going and start burning off fat. Sounds like a crazy chemical reaction of explosive awesomeness but I’m neither a chemist nor a dietitian. Then you eat like a normal healthy person (maybe those two words don’t go together) for the other four days and you try it all over again the next week until you are satisfied with your weight loss. Detractors claim that you are only losing water weight, not fat. Also, there is the peril of putting the weight right back on after you stop this insanity. My personal goal is to drop @5 pounds with the diet which will motivate me to keep on the healthy eating track, get me back at the gym, fit into my clothes better and I will then lose my additional 10 pounds by changing my lifestyle back to how it was before I let things slide. You can’t just lose weight. You have to be more conscious of what goes into your body and you have to get fit so you have the muscle tone to haul your ass around. I know this, really I do. I was at my healthiest when I was eating a low carb diet because I have migraines that are often triggered by sugar/refined carbs and working out regularly. I think I just got lazy and failed to maintain once I had lost all the weight I wanted – losing weight wasn’t even the plan, stopping the migraines was! In my opinion, if you want a “diet” that works, go Low Glycemic Index.

But here we are, with a three day plan, to see what happens. Here’s what I’m eating today:

Day One Breakfast: 1/2 a grapefruit, one piece of bread or toast, 2 tablespoons peanut butter and a cup of tea or coffee. (Not bad, about the amount I would normally eat, but who the hell has only 1/2 a grapefruit? Annoying, but I’ll play along. And there’s no mention for coffee drinkers if they can have milk in it but I think Splenda is your only approved sweetener.)

Day One Lunch: 1/2 cup of tuna, one piece of bread or toast and a cup of tea or coffee. (Hm, now I don’t get any peanut butter to put on my bread and I wish I could have some fruit, but I squished a 5oz can of tuna into my 1/2 measuring cup so huzzah! Seriously – I’m not setting aside 1 ounce of tuna for Thursday. I’ve probably ruined everything now.)

Day One Dinner: 3 ounces of any type of meat, 1 cup of green beans, 1/2 banana, 1 small apple, and 1 cup of vanilla ice cream. (That’s just a weird combination of stuff, and I don’t understand how vanilla ice cream comes in here, but at least I get some fruits and veggies. I may be a rebel and eat an entire small banana though.)

I’m going to share some numbers with you now, which might make you hate me. See I’m not exactly overweight or anything, just not where I want to be. I’m only posting this so we can track what progress (if any) I make. I weighed myself today @11:30am on Day One, and I will weigh myself on the morning of Day Four as well as next Monday to see if anything I lost came right back. I don’t expect to lose a lot (people advertise up to 10 pounds in three days) because I don’t have a lot to lose in the first place. This morning I weigh 130.5 pounds. I’m 5′ 2″ and have obtained the “spare tire” and the dreaded thigh cellulite – I refuse to accept these things as part of middle age.

I’m going to post this on Day One and try to update as something interesting happens, rather than saving this as a draft. Otherwise, I’m afraid it will end up in the Land of Lost Drafts and I’ll never get around to finishing it. But first, here’s what I’ll be eating for the other two days.

Day Two Breakfast: 1 egg, 1 piece of bread or toast, and 1/2 banana. (Notice no more coffee or tea, and they never mention if I can butter my bread…)

Day Two Lunch: 1 cup of cottage cheese or 2 ounces of cheddar cheese, 1 hard boiled egg, and 5 saltine crackers. (Which makes me think I’ll be feeling nauseous by this time?)

Day Two Dinner: 2 hot dogs (no buns or ketchup, mustard ok), 1 cup of broccoli, 1/2 cup of carrots, 1/2 banana, and 1/2 cup of vanilla ice cream. (What is with all this 1/2 banana bullshit???)

By the way, I also read somewhere that you can drink as much water as you want, and should ideally drink (in ounces) half the number you weigh (in pounds). If you are a heavy water drinker, please chime in here: If I drink 65 ounces of water per day, I will be very unproductive at work because I’ll be getting up to pee every 15 minutes. Does your body adjust to that over time or would I always be running to a bathroom. I can’t live like that; life is too short to spend that much of it in a bathroom.

Day Three Breakfast: 5 saltine crackers, 2 ounces of cheddar cheese, and 1 small apple. (I think this is the suckiest “meal” of the entire diet.)

Day Three Lunch: 1 hard-boiled egg, and 1 slice of bread or toast. (Ok, I lied, this is worse than breakfast.)

Day Three Dinner: 1 cup of tuna, 1/2 of a banana, and 1 cup of vanilla ice cream. (At least I get a whole cup of ice cream again.)

DAY TWO UPDATE!!!

I’m writing this @24 hours after the above section. Here’s what I am thinking so far:

• I’m hungry.
• I’m not very good at food measuring.
• I miss snacking – I prefer “grazing” to three big meals a day (not that these are big).
• I find myself thinking about what I’d like to grab to eat and then have to remind myself no – you aren’t really eating today.
• I don’t see how someone who cooks for others could stand this. Kids and needy spouses would have to fend for themselves for a few days.
• DON’T look at Pinterest, unless you are looking specifically at sections that have nothing to do with food. As if such a section actually exists on Pinterest.
• I wish it would be explained WHAT in each of these foods is so important, so I could make logical substitutions if I needed. For example, ice cream doesn’t usually agree with me but frozen Greek yogurt and I get along just fine. Will that ruin everything?
• Where is this diet “proven” other than andecdotal evidence?
• My Dr. would probably kill me if she knew I was trying this.
• I’m fucking hungry.

That’s my sad lunch from Day Two that I am currently “enjoying”.

HOLY SHIT YA’LL IT’S DAY THREE!!!

That’s right, another 24 hours have gone by and I haven’t gnawed off my foot in desperation.  Because my foot’s not on the PLAN.  I’m still hungrier than a mo-fo but other than that, I feel fine.  Other people have experienced headaches, dizziness, weakness…just from being around me (bada-ba ching!).  Seriously, I feel good, just hungry.  I haven’t had to restrict my normal activities (which pretty much includes lying on a couch watching TV after work, unless I ride my bike to run errands.)  And lunch is coming up – the best lunch of the WHOLE experience!  Yes, I can’t wait to savor that hard boiled egg and piece of bread.  FML.  But after that it gets better because I can be normal again, and eat all the fruit I currently have going to rot in my fridge waiting for me.  I will say though that last night I actually felt like I had enough to eat for dinner.  However, it’s really REALLY hard to eat an entire cup of broccoli when you don’t care for it to begin with and now you can’t dump cheese on it to make it palatable.  Plus now I have a shitload of leftover broccoli that I don’t ever want to eat.

BTW – I was a rebel this morning and had SIX crackers instead of five.  I’m sure I’ve ruined everything now.

THE BIG REVEAL – IT’S DAY FOUR!!!

Hey, I get to eat again!  But you don’t care.  You only want to know if I’ve lost any weight.  So using the same scale at the same time of day, even wearing similar clothes and the same shoes I can tell you that I now weigh…

129

Hm.  Did you expect something more epic?  I guess I really didn’t.  I weigh 1.5 pounds lighter on Thursday than I did on Monday.  And that doesn’t seem like so much that it can’t be explained by normal weight fluctuations.  I will try to eat mostly healthy for the rest of the week (although I do like my movie popcorn and I’ll never pass up the offer of a doughnut) and we’ll see what I weigh next Monday.  My thoughts on this:

• Was it worth it to be hungry all the time?  I’m not sure.  But I did come to realize that I could still get up and move about and be productive even if I was starving.  The world didn’t stop turning and I didn’t get the migraine I was expecting.
• This is probably much harder for people who drink a lot of caffeine  because after the first day it’s a no-no on most lists I’ve seen.  That might be a deal breaker for some.
• On the plus side, I’ve been able to increase my water intake greatly and I’m sure my body would appreciate if I kept that up.
• Will I try this again?  Maybe?  I really don’t know what I think at this point.  I’d probably be all over it if I’d lost 5 pounds.
• I DO feel lighter and more full of energy the past two days which isn’t usual for me.  I would guess it’s the lack of sugar?  And it’s nice to not feel all bloated when you eat way more than you need.
• My digestive system was definitely happier with me – with the exception of the 5:30am call of protest I got from my stomach about eating ice cream that first night.  I can tell a difference right now, after eating a good-sized salad for lunch.  Smaller surely is better, but I would have smaller more than three times a day.

You’re Welcome

Here I am, just minding my own business making the Wal-Mart list, when I get this sage advice from the recliner:

“By the way, don’t ever use your scrubby glove to scrub your private parts. It takes off skin.”

W.
T.
F.

“I don’t even know where to begin responding to that. Are we talking about the scrubby glove I use to wash my face?”

“I guess.”

Annnnnd let me add new scrubby glove to the Wal-Mart list…

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

We interrupt this series of Istanbul trip blogging (there’s one left!) to ponder the wonder of leftover residential college student detritus.

College student move out: it’s the reason for the season. Truly the most wonderful time of the year (now you’ll hum that all day, you’re welcome). The things students leave behind are wonderful, disgusting, and mystifying. Plus they remind me how wasteful humans can be. For years, I’ve had to haul crap into Dumpsters that students are too lazy to take home or throw out. Sometimes it’s cool crap but mostly just crap. That makes the hidden gems in the crap so much more rewarding. Like a leftover treasure hunt. Even though we now try to organize this mass abandonment with boxes and carts in central locations, the end of the school year is always awash in unloved piles of clothing, kitchen utensils, and crumpled notebooks.

The fascination with other people’s leftovers is a long-standing love affair. The year I got to clean out my hall’s forgotten storage closets was a gold mine of dart boards, beer signs, chairs of questionable cleanliness and a floor length down coat that was the bomb in the middle of winter in Buffalo when you had to stand in the yard to take the dog out. As a fan of thrift stores and garage sales, I quickly learned to take advantage of this time of year. And to encourage others as well because the more people take from the boxes in the hallway, the less I have to lug to Goodwill.

I’m no hoarder though. I take what I need which results in mostly a floor lamp here and there and some Chef Boyardee. My coworkers and I find warped guitars and really ugly art and leave it outside each others doors. Then it usually ends up in a different donation box before it all gets taken away somewhere. I challenge them to find me something awesome. What’s especially cool about where I’ve lived for years is that I have a lot of international neighbors. Mostly Chinese right now, and they come with two pieces of luggage and go back with not much more. Although we have the means the store items for those coming back, a lot goes in the boxes and those graduating usually just leave most of what they’ve accumulated behind before they fly home with their two pieces of luggage. I used to have a lot of student athlete neighbors which rocked because most left behind college logo stuff provided by their team. These days I ignore the clothing because all my Chinese girls are tiny. But someone found a Wii in the bins this morning! That probably takes the cake for most awesome leftover but until then, I thought it would be this:

Someone skinned Stitch!

I’m a Disney dork and Stitch is my favorite.  This is a full sized adult costume - I’ve never even seen such a thing for sale. (Plus, I have big Stitch costume gloves already – don’t judge.) I threw it in my washer and hoped it might make it through without falling apart and then hoped it would fit.  My master plan was to put it on and lay on the couch in my best Come-Hither pose when my husband came home from work.  Well, he ruined my plan by coming home sick in the morning but he did get a good laugh when I finally tried it on and found it fit perfectly.  Like it was made for me.  It was fate.

The Fates of the Abandoned Items favored me today.

I’m pretty sure this outfit is appropriate for every formal event I will ever be invited to from now on.  You’ve been warned.

Buffalo Wings: You’re Doing it Wrong

I’ve never understood what is so hard about making a decent plate of Buffalo wings (which, for the record, are not called “Buffalo” wings in Buffalo). If you go farther east than Syracuse or farther south than Erie, suddenly a fog descends over your mind and you can’t figure out how to replicate a simple delicacy? Come the fuck ON.

Please, for the love of every WNY-er that has moved out of state, the rest of you have to get it together. There is a responsibility to do it right if your restaraunt is going to have Buffalo Wings on the menu. I will track you down, try them, and give you an earful about what you are doing wrong. So to be pre-emptive, take note. This is so EASY, and Buffalonians get really pissed off if you fuck up our favorite food. If you have anything to do with people who sell wings, share this with them!

1. Get the biggest wings you can find. Don’t make me wonder if you raise pigeons for this purpose. And do not give me the wing all in one piece. You need to break it in half so there is a wing and a drumstick. This is important because if you properly coat the wings, trying to break this up is just going to fling hot sauce in my eye. Ain’t nobody got time for that. Big wings. Don’t insult me.

2. The sauce is crucial, but so very simple. Don’t cock it up with extra ingredients – you only need two. Frank’s Red Hot and melted butter. Truly, that’s it. The Frank’s gives it the correct flavor and the varying amount of butter will regulate your heat level. It also helps the sauce get that nice radioactive orange color. When I first moved south I could not find Frank’s and had to make due with Texas Pete. I am happy to say Frank’s is now below the Mason-Dixon Line. You will be tempted to add something like pepper flakes or honey or BBQ sauce but if you do, don’t call it Buffalo sauce. If you deviate I must disown the sauce and shame you for your sin of pride. The first Buffalo wings I got in this area were covered in BBQ sauce. I can’t tell you how horrified I was. Fifteen years later and that incident still haunts me.

3. Don’t give me the sauce on the side, that is ridiculous. The sauce goes in a big stainless steel bowl, you dump the wings in and you toss to coat. Then pour the steaming hot mess into a basket without inhaling while standing over it, unless you want your nose to start running. These are supposed to be messy, so don’t skimp on the sauce or the napkins. Better yet, set out a roll of paper towels. Successfully coated wings will make sauce drip down your arms and get all over your face. Fancy people in white clothing should never eat Buffalo wings.

4. Buffalo wings are served with a side of celery sticks. Don’t even ask if I want them, it’s not an option. The only choice I get in this meal is how hot I want the sauce and if I want ranch or blue cheese with the celery. The celery helps cancel some of the heat and helps us feel like we actually ate something healthy. Even if I choose not to eat the celery, it needs to show up in the wing basket.

Is that so hard? I think not.
And for the record, Buffalo Wild Wings is not a good representation of anything related to Buffalo. You want good wings in Buffalo, go to a bar.

The Istanbul Countdown!

Three weeks and two days. I alternate between super excitement and total panic freak outs.

Here’s where I stand past having the travel package taken care of:

My little international phone came in, although it turns out the extra calling card I bought works for every country EXCEPT Turkey. Luckily the company was awesome and just added the minutes to the phone. Too bad I still really don’t understand how to make international calls. Seriously. Yes, there are directions and no, they don’t help me. My best hope in a crisis will be handing the phone off to someone else.

I don’t even understand the phone numbers. Do all international numbers start with a “+”? Do you dial it? That’s such a shamefully dumb question. I still need to program every possibly important number into the little guy.

Got my lira, and as you see in the picture they gave me way bigger bills than I wanted. Granted, 100 lira is only @$55 but have you ever tried paying for anything in this country with something bigger than a $20 bill? Good luck! I don’t know what I’ll be buying that I’ll make use of a bill that size.

I have been faithfully practicing my Earworms Turkish (Türkçe) lessons and they are downloaded on every computer and MP3 player I have access to. Plus I’m typing words in alpha order into my mangy little iPod Notes in case someone stands still long enough for me to look up a word when I completely forget anything I’ve learned. I can count to 29 and ask for a bottle of water. Absurdly, my husband does not seem impressed. Besides important words, I can check out the weather in Istanbul, remind myself of the exchange rate math, and send facebook updates when I get free wi-fi from the Pod.

I think I have the baggage situation figured out. Got a giant cross body PacSafe bag and a very lightweight REI back pack that fits all my theoretical clothing choices. Yeah, I already started packing. Luggage is a tough call: it hurts to drag around anything too large, but I waffle between packing light and having comforts of home. It’s a weird balancing act that changes with every location you go to. And speaking of clothing, there is so much advice out there on what NOT to wear and nothing about what I SHOULD pack. So baggy hiking pants it is, with plain shirts that aren’t too tight or cleavage baring. Boring stuff I don’t normally wear but not standing out is the whole idea.

Throughout all this planning, the elephant in the room of course is the tragedy of Sarai Seirra. She went missing just days after I booked my trip and even though they have a person held and charged with her murder, too much is fishy and unanswered still. I’d like to think I am going to make different choices, such as not wandering by myself into sketchy neighborhoods and railroad tracks, but nothing is a magic answer to how to stay safe – traveling or at home, alone or not.

The Gender Neutral Bathroom Quandary

Today was my first experience with a REAL gender neutral bathroom. Not a one room toilet/sink combination, but an actual corridor of stalls and sinks where I’m acutely aware there’s a dude right next to me while I’m peeing. It was…unnerving.

I absolutely get and support gender neutral bathrooms, but it wasn’t until today that I realized I’m not comfortable in one. Maybe it was because I didn’t realize I had a choice (I didn’t notice any traditional ones nearby and with the conference I am at, it wouldn’t surprise me if it had been decided to make them all GN.), or maybe it was the realization that networking just got 100 times more awkward.

Washing my hands next to women, I can bond over the pain of heels or the best lip gloss ever. I’m not sure what to say to a guy when eye contact is made in the bathroom. Sounds like you had tacos for lunch? Or God forbid I would need to ask for toilet paper.

Welcome to my “out of my comfort zone” moment for today. Maybe I’ll try it again tomorrow and see if it gets less weird.

The Secret Southern Slang

I tell you this because I care, dear northern friends. Many of you have started saying this cute little southern colloquialism and run the risk of saying it to someone southern.

Bless your heart.

In the words of Inago Montoya “I do not think it means what you think it means” – in fact I know it doesn’t. You may think you are being adorable but you are actually calling someone an idiot.

Bless your heart.

That’s a southern lady’s way to insult someone and still look like a lady. It’s not very ladylike to call someone a whore, but luckily they have this saying which covers so many occasions for them. Use it with caution!

This has been a public service announcement from DeepFriedYankee, a “damn Yankee” surviving in the buckle of the Bible Belt.

A Bad Week for Turkey: In Which I Defend My Right to Travel

Poor Turkey.  Between the U.S. Embassy bombing in Ankara and the death of Sarai Seirra in Instanbul, it’s having a very shitty week.  I’ve been following Sarai’s story through Twitter since the day her family flew to find her.  Obviously, it interests me because of my upcoming trip where I too will be travelling alone to Istanbul.  There is a lot of mystery here and I don’t think we are being told the whole story.  Well of course we aren’t – it’s an ongoing investigation after all.  I just mean I hope to learn something from all of this that can be helpful (beyond my usual travel  paranoia).  Did she make some bad choices?  Trust the wrong people?  Or was this a completely random crime?

Don’t get me wrong though, I’m not victim-blaming.  But if you read the comments below any of the dozens of stories about this, you will find plenty of people who are.  And sadly, they are mostly Americans of the ignorant variety, who are terrified of foreign travel because it is so… foreign.  These people believe the U.S. is the safest place in the world and that a woman should never travel alone or she deserves what she gets.  That a woman’s place is in the home or by the side of her man.  That all Muslims want to kill Americans.  People who only eat white bread and American cheese, and believe ketchup counts as a vegetable.  And so on.  I am taking great offense and it’s all I can do to not leave a hundred comments about what morons these people truly are.  What they say about her is essentially what they are saying about me and it really pisses me off.  To them I say:

• Not everyone is a people-loving extrovert who draws energy from those around them.  Some people enjoy being alone and need that peace to recharge.
• There are plenty of reasons why I sometimes enjoy travelling alone.  None of them have anything to do with running away, cheating on my husband, smuggling drugs, being an amateur spy or whatever other bullshit people are going to charge Sarai with next.
• Why would a mother and wife travel alone?  I’m not a mom but it doesn’t take a genius to answer this.  She’s a mother and wife.  Duh.  You don’t ever want to get away from your loved ones that you are constantly caring for?  Don’t lie, of course you dream of a vacation by yourself.
• Oh, you’d never actually go?  Maybe that’s because you have a defeatist attitude and have given up your dreams because society tells you that they are worthless when compared to your responsibilities.  Wake up.  It’s a big world and if all you’re seeing of it in this life is South Podunk, you’ve already died a little.
• I don’t HAVE to go to Istanbul.  I could travel in this country, which I already do.  And I could just as easily come to an unpleasant end here.  Some would argue MORE easily.
• Being a woman doesn’t take away my right to travel anywhere I choose to, even if it is going to be alone.  (And as my sister pointed out, I am probably more in danger during my annual Mardi Gras trip than in Istanbul.

I don’t know, I don’t even know where to begin about how angry I am when I read those comments.  SO. ANGRY.  So many idiots. I’m not going to hide in my house, cowering in fear.   I guess that’s all.

Nobody’s Business But the Turks…..

And just like that, I’ve changed my mind about India.  Well maybe not JUST like that, but over the course of finding all the information I can about travel to Mumbai and India in general.  Little by little, doubt was creeping in on if this was really what I wanted to do and see.  For the record, my decision was not influenced by this video about how to use an “eastern latrine”, starring Wilbur Sargunaraj – but it was equal parts hilarious and terrifying to a Western latrine user such as myself.  I do want to go to India, I do want to experience Hindu culture, but the more educated I got about the area, the less magical it seemed.  And the more another idea grew in my head.

Istanbul!

Not Constantinople. (hee hee.  you knew I couldn’t resist.)

I went to a book store over the holiday break while mom was here and as she shopped, I looked around for travel books about India, specifically information about Mumbai.  I found practically nothing which was frustrating because I didn’t realize until that moment that our local book store sucks.  Then I picked up a book about Turkey and I thought THIS!  THIS is where I want to go!!!!  (In reality I want to go to every major city in the world so it’s not like I just picked up a new dream and threw out the old one.  I’m just giving this one a turn.)  So I started obsessively reading and watching everything I could find on Istanbul until I finally sat down and found time to scope out an actual vacation plan.  Maybe I shouldn’t have watched Taken 2 though…

…I’m pretty sure Istanbul isn’t all kidnappings and grenades and car chases…

Right.  So, here we go.  The plan so far as it has gelled:

1. Hotel and plane ticket package booked though orbitz.  What I like about them is that I can add a cheap international cell phone and a refillable calling card to the package so I can call home if I need to.  Basically, I like to feel I have a lifeline.  I did this when I went to Greece and other than being a moron about how to make international phone calls, I loved it.  I gave that phone to a former student when she went to her Peace Corps location in the South Pacific so I hope it’s serving her well.  The flight is only two legs, which is amazing.  I fly to JFK on my birthday and sit for 4 hours which is NOT amazing but it’s pretty good given the other alternatives.  Then Turkish Air straight to Istanbul.  I have heard mixed things about this airline and might regret using them instead of something else that would have taken longer and needed other connections, but I weighed my options about what was important to me and am hoping for the best.  I’ll get there a day later and should be through the airport by noon, after buying a visa and then figuring out the rail line.  I’ll be staying at a hotel in the Sultanahmet neighborhood – right where I want to be.  The hotel has free breakfast and wi-fi, my two biggest must haves.  I’ll bring my old, half busted iPod touch to give a facebook status update once in a while so people know I’m alive.
2. Travel insurance.  I usually ignore this, but since I’m going out of the country and my health insurance hardly covers me if I’m out of the state, I figured it would be best.  I didn’t get the insurance through Orbitz because I found a better deal (lower price, slightly higher coverage) through World Nomads.  Honestly, I fully expect that if anything were to happen to me it would probably not be covered anyway because that’s just how fine print works, but I’m trying to be responsible here.

And now the fun part.  I can pin the shit out of everything on the interwebz to read about, start making lists of what I want to see, start learning some Turkish words (I really suck at learning languages though), make a list of “must have” travel items to buy.  In fact, as soon as I pay for the travel package, jewelry sale money will be pretty dedicated to buying dorky things like a travel blanket, new backpack, quart-size bag sturdier than a Ziplock…crap like that which is questionably necessary.  I haven’t bought travel gadgets in forever and was so excited to find my European plug adapter in the travel drawer yesterday.  Yes, I have a travel drawer.  You don’t?  Where the hell do you keep your tiny shampoos and airplane pillow and passport and empty 3-ounce bottles and such?  Weirdos.

India on My Mind

You may remember that last April I finally got my nose pierced for my birthday.  My husband and I were both thinking that if this is what I do on my 39th birthday, God only knows what’s going to happen on my 40th.  I’m starting to think I know.

I want to go to India.  By myself.  WTF???

Well, the by myself part is kind of just how it would happen, as my husband doesn’t really get much vacation time and everyone else I know thinks this is crazy and wouldn’t or couldn’t drop everything for a week in India.  Plus, he would hate it there.  He doesn’t do much walking anymore because his back/knees/feet bother him and hates crowds.  The everyday frustrations of international travel would make the trip miserable for him.  Really, he is a recliner man these days because he works hard and just wants to rest – not run through terminals and deal with language barriers and foreign currency.  I respect that, but it means I am going to have to tackle this solo.

It’s a daunting idea.  Every time I start researching things to think about, what to know, what to do ahead of time, all the options, all the cautions, I just get overwhelmed and have to stop.  Then I start thinking about it all over again.  What the hell do I know about India?  Pretty much nothing except that I want to go there.  I know a student employee from India and I asked him where I should go there if I can only go once in my life.  Without hesitation he said Mumbai.  So Mumbai (Bombay) it is.

I’m currently in the overwhelmed stage so I thought I would take these few minutes in between work and more work to think about what all I need to figure out.  I’m sure I’ll be updating this as I figure out more (or come up with more questions).  If anyone out there has traveled to India (specifically Mumbai), feel free to comment.

When:  If I want to go around my actual birthday, I’ve got about 4 months and time is running out fast as far as things like visa applications and reasonable airplane tickets are concerned.  It will be stinkin’ hot and humid at that time, but sounds about like summer in the south here.  Any further into the spring/summer and you risk running into monsoon season which I do NOT want to do.

Visas:  I need a tourist visa which I think costs @$75 (depending on the accuracy of the web site I saw that on).  I found the company that processes them and the application(s) through the US State Department website.  That was the first thing that overwhelmed me – the application process AND all the dire government warnings.  I’m a pretty paranoid traveler to begin with since I do so much of it solo but that site really ratcheted up the panic.  Basically, if you are an American woman travelling alone, they don’t want you going to India.  But if you do, you are pretty much supposed to cower in your hotel room the whole time.  Don’t even look out the window so you can’t accidentally make eye contact.  Seriously – the State Dept. site is a downer.

Health Issues:  As in, what shots (if any) should I get?  Out of those, which ones CAN I get with an auto-immune illness (no live viruses)?  How far before the trip should I get them?  Should I take some antibiotics with me?  What kind of things should I pack to combat the dreaded “Delhi Belly”?  Does my health insurance cover anything happening out of the country (they barely cover anything out of the state)?  What kind of travel insurance do I get?  Where is the best medical facility to go to?  If I want to call home, do I have to get a new phone or can Verizon unlock mine to work overseas?

Clothing:  I feel pretty good about this one.  I read a lot of things on Journeywoman.com specific to India.  Many said to pack very little clothing and buy some traditional clothing there like a salwar kameez in cotton or silk or a saree (sari) so you blend a little better and don’t get as much unwanted male attention.  Also wearing sunglasses to avoid sending the wrong messages to men with accidental eye contact.  Like I need an excuse to shop!

Assertiveness:  Believe it or not, this concerns me.  I can be perfectly assertive in this country because I know culturally what I can push and how.  I don’t know that in other places but I have heard that in India I will need to be very pushy (literally) to be seen and heard when I need something.  Part of that comes from being a female and part comes from being someplace so incredibly crowded.  When I’m someplace completely new to me and I can remember this, I try to make myself stand back, be patient, and observe to find out how things are done by locals.  Mumbai sounds like the kind of place where there’s not much space to stand back and what I observe may not be something I’m willing to do.  Stories about the train system make me think I’ll never be forceful enough to buy a ticket or even get on or off the train successfully!  I’m also terrible at haggling but I just really have to make myself get better at it since so much of the world operates this way.  I love getting a deal, but for me it’s not fun to argue over prices.

Culture Shock:  There’s really no way to prepare for this, even when you know what’s coming.  I just mention it because I know it will be huge.  HUGE.

So what the hell am I doing???  I don’t know, but I’ve lived long enough to realize that when I get an idea in my head like this, it’s not going away.  Eventually it’s going to happen.