My boss mentioned this diet that she was on the other day and said she’d lost over 30 pounds using it on and off (with regular exercise). I thought it sounded weird because it seems very rigid and restrictive but also wondered if it would help jump start me back on the healthy eating and fitness path. I was at my ideal weight and fitness level @5 years ago and got lazy so now I’m having a hard time finding the motivation to get back where I was. I thought about looking it up and then promptly forgot all about it. Later that evening as I was looking at food porn on Pinterest, this diet pops up and I took it as a sign that maybe I should check it out, just for kicks. I mean, being miserable for three days to test this supposedly proven diet (although proven by what entity the blogs never say) isn’t going to kill me. Right? Maybe just make me want to die.

So I read a few blogs that discuss this diet and I won’t link to any of them here because they are easy to search for and basically say the exact same thing, almost word for word. I wish people would actually write about their experiences rather than just copying a blog entry into theirs for the sake of making some imaginary blogging quota or whatnot. I digress. Sorry, that’s anther rant for another day. I got my list of meals together and picked it all up at the last Wal-Mart run. It’s nothing I wouldn’t eat anyway, just rather small amounts and substitutions are not allowed (or heavily frowned upon if you want this to work). You follow these meals for three days and supposedly they are the right amounts and ingredients to get your metabolism going and start burning off fat. Sounds like a crazy chemical reaction of explosive awesomeness but I’m neither a chemist nor a dietitian. Then you eat like a normal healthy person (maybe those two words don’t go together) for the other four days and you try it all over again the next week until you are satisfied with your weight loss. Detractors claim that you are only losing water weight, not fat. Also, there is the peril of putting the weight right back on after you stop this insanity. My personal goal is to drop @5 pounds with the diet which will motivate me to keep on the healthy eating track, get me back at the gym, fit into my clothes better and I will then lose my additional 10 pounds by changing my lifestyle back to how it was before I let things slide. You can’t just lose weight. You have to be more conscious of what goes into your body and you have to get fit so you have the muscle tone to haul your ass around. I know this, really I do. I was at my healthiest when I was eating a low carb diet because I have migraines that are often triggered by sugar/refined carbs and working out regularly. I think I just got lazy and failed to maintain once I had lost all the weight I wanted – losing weight wasn’t even the plan, stopping the migraines was! In my opinion, if you want a “diet” that works, go Low Glycemic Index.

But here we are, with a three day plan, to see what happens. Here’s what I’m eating today:

Day One Breakfast: 1/2 a grapefruit, one piece of bread or toast, 2 tablespoons peanut butter and a cup of tea or coffee. (Not bad, about the amount I would normally eat, but who the hell has only 1/2 a grapefruit? Annoying, but I’ll play along. And there’s no mention for coffee drinkers if they can have milk in it but I think Splenda is your only approved sweetener.)

Day One Lunch: 1/2 cup of tuna, one piece of bread or toast and a cup of tea or coffee. (Hm, now I don’t get any peanut butter to put on my bread and I wish I could have some fruit, but I squished a 5oz can of tuna into my 1/2 measuring cup so huzzah! Seriously – I’m not setting aside 1 ounce of tuna for Thursday. I’ve probably ruined everything now.)

Day One Dinner: 3 ounces of any type of meat, 1 cup of green beans, 1/2 banana, 1 small apple, and 1 cup of vanilla ice cream. (That’s just a weird combination of stuff, and I don’t understand how vanilla ice cream comes in here, but at least I get some fruits and veggies. I may be a rebel and eat an entire small banana though.)

I’m going to share some numbers with you now, which might make you hate me. See I’m not exactly overweight or anything, just not where I want to be. I’m only posting this so we can track what progress (if any) I make. I weighed myself today @11:30am on Day One, and I will weigh myself on the morning of Day Four as well as next Monday to see if anything I lost came right back. I don’t expect to lose a lot (people advertise up to 10 pounds in three days) because I don’t have a lot to lose in the first place. This morning I weigh 130.5 pounds. I’m 5′ 2″ and have obtained the “spare tire” and the dreaded thigh cellulite – I refuse to accept these things as part of middle age.

I’m going to post this on Day One and try to update as something interesting happens, rather than saving this as a draft. Otherwise, I’m afraid it will end up in the Land of Lost Drafts and I’ll never get around to finishing it. But first, here’s what I’ll be eating for the other two days.

Day Two Breakfast: 1 egg, 1 piece of bread or toast, and 1/2 banana. (Notice no more coffee or tea, and they never mention if I can butter my bread…)

Day Two Lunch: 1 cup of cottage cheese or 2 ounces of cheddar cheese, 1 hard boiled egg, and 5 saltine crackers. (Which makes me think I’ll be feeling nauseous by this time?)

Day Two Dinner: 2 hot dogs (no buns or ketchup, mustard ok), 1 cup of broccoli, 1/2 cup of carrots, 1/2 banana, and 1/2 cup of vanilla ice cream. (What is with all this 1/2 banana bullshit???)

By the way, I also read somewhere that you can drink as much water as you want, and should ideally drink (in ounces) half the number you weigh (in pounds). If you are a heavy water drinker, please chime in here: If I drink 65 ounces of water per day, I will be very unproductive at work because I’ll be getting up to pee every 15 minutes. Does your body adjust to that over time or would I always be running to a bathroom. I can’t live like that; life is too short to spend that much of it in a bathroom.

Day Three Breakfast: 5 saltine crackers, 2 ounces of cheddar cheese, and 1 small apple. (I think this is the suckiest “meal” of the entire diet.)

Day Three Lunch: 1 hard-boiled egg, and 1 slice of bread or toast. (Ok, I lied, this is worse than breakfast.)

Day Three Dinner: 1 cup of tuna, 1/2 of a banana, and 1 cup of vanilla ice cream. (At least I get a whole cup of ice cream again.)

DAY TWO UPDATE!!!

I’m writing this @24 hours after the above section. Here’s what I am thinking so far:

• I’m hungry.
• I’m not very good at food measuring.
• I miss snacking – I prefer “grazing” to three big meals a day (not that these are big).
• I find myself thinking about what I’d like to grab to eat and then have to remind myself no – you aren’t really eating today.
• I don’t see how someone who cooks for others could stand this. Kids and needy spouses would have to fend for themselves for a few days.
• DON’T look at Pinterest, unless you are looking specifically at sections that have nothing to do with food. As if such a section actually exists on Pinterest.
• I wish it would be explained WHAT in each of these foods is so important, so I could make logical substitutions if I needed. For example, ice cream doesn’t usually agree with me but frozen Greek yogurt and I get along just fine. Will that ruin everything?
• Where is this diet “proven” other than andecdotal evidence?
• My Dr. would probably kill me if she knew I was trying this.
• I’m fucking hungry.

That’s my sad lunch from Day Two that I am currently “enjoying”.

HOLY SHIT YA’LL IT’S DAY THREE!!!

That’s right, another 24 hours have gone by and I haven’t gnawed off my foot in desperation.  Because my foot’s not on the PLAN.  I’m still hungrier than a mo-fo but other than that, I feel fine.  Other people have experienced headaches, dizziness, weakness…just from being around me (bada-ba ching!).  Seriously, I feel good, just hungry.  I haven’t had to restrict my normal activities (which pretty much includes lying on a couch watching TV after work, unless I ride my bike to run errands.)  And lunch is coming up – the best lunch of the WHOLE experience!  Yes, I can’t wait to savor that hard boiled egg and piece of bread.  FML.  But after that it gets better because I can be normal again, and eat all the fruit I currently have going to rot in my fridge waiting for me.  I will say though that last night I actually felt like I had enough to eat for dinner.  However, it’s really REALLY hard to eat an entire cup of broccoli when you don’t care for it to begin with and now you can’t dump cheese on it to make it palatable.  Plus now I have a shitload of leftover broccoli that I don’t ever want to eat.

BTW – I was a rebel this morning and had SIX crackers instead of five.  I’m sure I’ve ruined everything now.

THE BIG REVEAL – IT’S DAY FOUR!!!

Hey, I get to eat again!  But you don’t care.  You only want to know if I’ve lost any weight.  So using the same scale at the same time of day, even wearing similar clothes and the same shoes I can tell you that I now weigh…

129

Hm.  Did you expect something more epic?  I guess I really didn’t.  I weigh 1.5 pounds lighter on Thursday than I did on Monday.  And that doesn’t seem like so much that it can’t be explained by normal weight fluctuations.  I will try to eat mostly healthy for the rest of the week (although I do like my movie popcorn and I’ll never pass up the offer of a doughnut) and we’ll see what I weigh next Monday.  My thoughts on this:

• Was it worth it to be hungry all the time?  I’m not sure.  But I did come to realize that I could still get up and move about and be productive even if I was starving.  The world didn’t stop turning and I didn’t get the migraine I was expecting.
• This is probably much harder for people who drink a lot of caffeine  because after the first day it’s a no-no on most lists I’ve seen.  That might be a deal breaker for some.
• On the plus side, I’ve been able to increase my water intake greatly and I’m sure my body would appreciate if I kept that up.
• Will I try this again?  Maybe?  I really don’t know what I think at this point.  I’d probably be all over it if I’d lost 5 pounds.
• I DO feel lighter and more full of energy the past two days which isn’t usual for me.  I would guess it’s the lack of sugar?  And it’s nice to not feel all bloated when you eat way more than you need.
• My digestive system was definitely happier with me – with the exception of the 5:30am call of protest I got from my stomach about eating ice cream that first night.  I can tell a difference right now, after eating a good-sized salad for lunch.  Smaller surely is better, but I would have smaller more than three times a day.

“By the way, don’t ever use your scrubby glove to scrub your private parts. It takes off skin.”

W.
T.
F.

“I don’t even know where to begin responding to that. Are we talking about the scrubby glove I use to wash my face?”

“I guess.”

Annnnnd let me add new scrubby glove to the Wal-Mart list…

So…shopping in Istanbul was a challenge for me because more than anything, I hate bargaining. HATE IT. And in most of the world, bargaining is a national pastime. This was painful for me – my first instinct is always to look for prices and walk away when I don’t see any. Here’s the advice I always get about bargaining: it’s a deal if you think it’s a deal. If you are happy with the price you paid, that’s what matters. I call bullshit. If I buy something and then I see the same things being sold for less in the next aisle, I am pissed and my purchase suddenly feels wasteful. So this was hard. I had to keep telling myself that my travel money was for spending and I didn’t have the storage space to carry a ton of stuff home anyway, so not to take shopping too seriously. Realistically, I needed nothing anyway as photos are my real souvenirs.

I’ve already mentioned elsewhere that everyone I bought from hates making change with a passion, so small bills are a must. Especially in the markets but I found even in brick and mortar stores, cash registers were rarely used and change is made from what was in a guys pockets, if change was made at all. I spent a lot of my days saying “yok, yok, teshekkür” (no, no thank you) as I walked by stores, tables, restaurants, market stalls…the restaurant guys are especially obnoxious. The Grand Bazaar and Spice Bazaar were equally crowded and exhausting, although the Spice Bazaar is much easier to navigate. The Grand Bazaar is like a rat maze and very disorienting; goes from very organized, upscale jewelry stores to twisting, smoke filled tunnels of jeans and knockoff purses. You get lost and when you eventually practically fall outside into sunshine, there’s no telling where you are.

I read a lot about Istikal Street and how it’s the place to see and be seen. It’s in what people call the “new” Istanbul. Eh. Not impressed. Just any other big shopping street in any city, nothing special. The cool part of Istikal is actually the little side streets and alleys running off it. In one, I stumbled upon tables and tables lining the walkway with cotton shirts for 5tl. Yeah, that’s like 3 bucks. You know your favorite cotton shirt that is so soft and awesome? Probably made in Turkey. I controlled myself and only bought two shirts but for such a good deal I admit I had a hard time finding some without too much bling. Europeans seem to really like their shiny crap. Sequins and rhinestones on everything. I found a cute one with a minimum of bling:

. (Yah, I’ll fix that sideways thing going on later, sorry.)

The picture of the Koska storefront in the beginning is because I loved that store. Koska has great Turkish Delight (boxed and fresh) and fantastic prices, and lots of other Turkish specialty items and you don’t have to bargain with any damn one. Free samples of goodies too. I tasted a lot in there, I bought a lot in there. One word of shopping caution though: don’t buy meat as you probably won’t get it past custome I the USA. . Okay two words of caution: it is illegal to buy counterfeit bags as well, so…don’t buy a shit ton for all your friends back home. That said, if you have just one little red patent leather fake LV wallet you got on the street for 20tl and you love it and you are actually using like a wallet, you should be fine. I didn’t say that though. I’m just supposing.

What I was looking for before the trip I never found: a clue as to how much I would be paying for things, and what I should expect to pay. Because of that, I really had more money with me than I needed. So I bring to you a list of what I bought and what I paid. Can’t tell you if they are the best deals, but I feel pretty okay about them. Maybe they will help give you and idea if you are traveling there. All prices are in Turkish Lira (tl).

Dinner: 7-25tl average
Glass evil eyes: 1tl each
Soap: 4-5tl
Metal earrings: 1-2tl (sold on a board outside almost every shop)
Gemstone & gold plate earrings: 10tl
“Pashmina” scarves: 5-20tl (I paid 35tl for two soft ones off Istikal, other places in the bazaars are cheaper but I got the patterns I loved.)
Dondurma ice cream: 3tl
Bracelets: 1-15tl for a variety of styles and materials, you can get cheap 1tl ones everywhere with glass beads.
4 brass dancing cymbals (2 for each hand): 15tl
Ceramic Iznik tiles: 3tl for 2 is the cheapest I found, along the rail line by the exit to the Cistern. Real Iznik tiles are made with ground quartz and will run you @50tl at the market near the Blue Mosque but I’m fine with ceramic since I’m using them for coasters.
Wool Socks (hand knitted): 20tl, I didn’t try to bargain here, I respected the woman sitting there on the sidewalk knitting them too much to do that. They are big and chunky and great for running around the house in.
Watercolor print (copy) of the Blue Mosque: 5tl.
Copper ring: 50tl, handmade by the guy I bought it from. It has a big red stone and I have no idea what it is. It’s not a ruby and I assume its dyed chalcedony but when I asked him he looked confused and said they call it “lulu” stone. Any thoughts on this would be appreciated as I bought a pair of earrings for my mom with the same stones.

College student move out: it’s the reason for the season. Truly the most wonderful time of the year (now you’ll hum that all day, you’re welcome). The things students leave behind are wonderful, disgusting, and mystifying. Plus they remind me how wasteful humans can be. For years, I’ve had to haul crap into Dumpsters that students are too lazy to take home or throw out. Sometimes it’s cool crap but mostly just crap. That makes the hidden gems in the crap so much more rewarding. Like a leftover treasure hunt. Even though we now try to organize this mass abandonment with boxes and carts in central locations, the end of the school year is always awash in unloved piles of clothing, kitchen utensils, and crumpled notebooks.

The fascination with other people’s leftovers is a long-standing love affair. The year I got to clean out my hall’s forgotten storage closets was a gold mine of dart boards, beer signs, chairs of questionable cleanliness and a floor length down coat that was the bomb in the middle of winter in Buffalo when you had to stand in the yard to take the dog out. As a fan of thrift stores and garage sales, I quickly learned to take advantage of this time of year. And to encourage others as well because the more people take from the boxes in the hallway, the less I have to lug to Goodwill.

I’m no hoarder though. I take what I need which results in mostly a floor lamp here and there and some Chef Boyardee. My coworkers and I find warped guitars and really ugly art and leave it outside each others doors. Then it usually ends up in a different donation box before it all gets taken away somewhere. I challenge them to find me something awesome. What’s especially cool about where I’ve lived for years is that I have a lot of international neighbors. Mostly Chinese right now, and they come with two pieces of luggage and go back with not much more. Although we have the means the store items for those coming back, a lot goes in the boxes and those graduating usually just leave most of what they’ve accumulated behind before they fly home with their two pieces of luggage. I used to have a lot of student athlete neighbors which rocked because most left behind college logo stuff provided by their team. These days I ignore the clothing because all my Chinese girls are tiny. But someone found a Wii in the bins this morning! That probably takes the cake for most awesome leftover but until then, I thought it would be this:

Someone skinned Stitch!

I’m a Disney dork and Stitch is my favorite.  This is a full sized adult costume - I’ve never even seen such a thing for sale. (Plus, I have big Stitch costume gloves already – don’t judge.) I threw it in my washer and hoped it might make it through without falling apart and then hoped it would fit.  My master plan was to put it on and lay on the couch in my best Come-Hither pose when my husband came home from work.  Well, he ruined my plan by coming home sick in the morning but he did get a good laugh when I finally tried it on and found it fit perfectly.  Like it was made for me.  It was fate.

The Fates of the Abandoned Items favored me today.

I’m pretty sure this outfit is appropriate for every formal event I will ever be invited to from now on.  You’ve been warned.

When in Rome, we visited almost every church we walked past.  I swear every other building in Rome is a church.  When in Istanbul, I tried not to do that with mosques (because in Rome it was exhausting and got tedious), but I read about many and chose a few that sounded interesting to me. I think I went to seven mosques.  I learned some things along the way by watching and doing and also from reading pamphlets on Islam that were available to tourists.

• Outside a mosque, on the side or in the courtyard there will be places to sit and wash your face, arms, and feet (aka performing ablutions) to physically prepare for prayers.  This is not a tourist thing, this is for the worshipers.   It is NOT cool to take pictures of people preparing for prayer, of pictures of them during prayer.  Some do it but it’s a real dick move in my opinion.

• Shoes come off before entering a mosque.  And don’t be that jerk who walks up onto the carpet first because your feet are too precious to stand on the cold stone without shoes.  This is not your house so be respectful of your hosts’ wishes and take off the shoes where you are supposed to.  In smaller mosques you would leave your shoes outside on a shelf but bigger mosques have plastic bags so you can carry shoes with you.
• Women must cover their heads.  Preferably with a scarf but a hood will do as well.  A hat, not so much.  Most mosques I visited had a box of scarves for women who did not bring their own.  If your skirt is short or you are wearing shorts, you’ll need to wrap a scarf around your waist too.
• Turn your flash off before going in a mosque.  I don’t care that you will see other people using their flash.  It’s disrespectful.  Even if it is not time for prayer (and most mosques are closed during them) there are still always worshipers around who deserve to be in peace.  And shut up while you’re at it.
• Men are encouraged to pray in a mosque while women are able to pray where they would like – as long as it is not with the men.  I saw women praying in small alcoves in the back of mosques or outside.
• The call to prayer (adhan) happens five times a day, depending on the movement of the sun so it changes with the seasons and your location in the world.  A muezzin chosen for his recitation skills and good character recites the call in Arabic and it is aired from the minaret.  You’ve all heard it in the movies but to hear it in Istanbul in real life is breathtaking.  Especially the call from the Blue Mosque – that guy does his job like nobody’s business.  Hearing that for the first time was one of my “holy shit, I’m really here” moments.

So, the ones I saw.  They were all beautiful but I’ll finish with my favorites last.

Yeni Camii (New Mosque)

Courtyard of the Yeni Camii (New Mosque).

To be fair, I didn’t really plan to visit this mosque but it was right near the Eminonu tram line and it was raining, so the courtyard was a nice place to hang out for a bit on my way elsewhere.  Prayers were going on though so I didn’t get a chance to check out the inside.

Sokullu Mehmet Pasha Camii

Outside Sokullu Mehmet Pasha

The cool thing about this mosque was overhearing a tour guide explain the gravestones and what the tops are all about – they’re hats!  The type of hat indicates what a person did for a living.  The guys at least.  I’m not sure what female headstones look like.  The inside was dark but pretty, although the caretaker was praying so pictures were a no-no.

Suleymaniye Camii

Inside Suleymaniye

The mosque is in a nice quiet part of the city and there is a lot of area around it for hanging out, kids playing soccer, benches to chill on and…OMG…free bathroom facilities.  While I waited for afternoon prayers I got to see wedding photos being taken, a row of burqa’d teens gossiping just like regular teenagers anywhere in the world, and over the wall I watched two guys stopped and searched by the police.  Why, I don’t know, but it was very calm and orderly.  In the US there would be struggling, pepper spray, and screaming about civil rights.  Here, there was a thorough searching and the men went on their way.  All in all the outside of the mosque was the most interesting part of it.

Ayasofya Camii (Hagia Sophia Mosque)

Inside Hagia Sophia

A lot of people consider this to be the most amazing, must-see mosque in Istanbul.  I totally disagree.  I do think it’s worth a look because it’s a huge museum (25 lira) and there is a lot to learn.  Watch the video showing on a continuous loop, eavesdrop on a tour, learn about calligraphy, there are plenty of things to see inside and out, but I don’t think it’s the most beautiful mosque.  On the contrary, I felt it is overwhelmingly gloomy with it’s black and gold interior.  I don’t know if starting off life as a church has anything to do with the dark moodiness, but I prefer light and airy and peaceful.

Kucuk Ayasofya Camii (Little Hagia Sophia Mosque)

Hat display!

Inside Little Sophia

This is a cute little mosque which also started out life as a church.  There is a cemetery outside with a huge wall of gravestone hats without their stones on display and in front is a courtyard with many artist studios you can look through (as long as you aren’t there first thing in the morning).  You can go upstairs in this one but be careful on the deadly, worn, carpeted stairs as you go back down in your socks.  The caretaker will probably ask you for a donation so make sure you have some lira in your pocket.

Rustem Pasha Camii

A hidden gem in the market area.

The man this mosque was built for died before it was finished, but his wife spared no expense and covered everything possible in beautiful tile work.  This mosque sits above a market neighborhood and you have to walk around the wall through the sellers and find the little doorway that leads up the stairs.  Extra bonus cool points for the free Qurans they have for visitors.  I thought this mosque was really beautiful inside and is actually much more blue than the Blue Mosque is.  It’s not too far from the Eminonu tram station and the Spice Market  - definitely worth a look.

Sultanahmet Camii (Blue Mosque)

My favorite place in Istanbul.

To me, this is not only the most beautiful mosque in Istanbul, it is the most beautiful place I have ever seen.  Ever.  Better than palaces, better than the Sistine Chapel, the only place to make me cry just because I was sitting in it.  I can’t even explain and pictures don’t do it justice.  I went back almost every day just to sit and bask in the calm of it.  It’s perfect.  Except for the tourists with their camera flashes  and talking and crinkling shoe bags – but once you get past that, it really is heavenly.

My delicious dinner most nights.

Chicken pita döner: Döner kebab refers to layers of meat on a rotating spit, and you get the bits of meat shaved off the sides on this hunk into a pita or other flatbread also stuffed with slaw and a few French fries. It was my go-to dinner of choice in Istanbul, mostly because there was a place right next to the Blue Mosque park where I liked to hang out around 5:00pm and listen to the call to prayer with the feral cats. For 7.50tl I got a filling sandwich and a can of Coke. Sometimes it was only 7tl because of the aforementioned Turkish hatred of making change.

Typical simit stand.

Simit: A simit can be best described as a Turkish bagel. It’s round, larger than a bagel, and covered in sesame seeds. Pretty bland on its own but at 1tl it is a good emergency snack when you start to get cranky with hunger and don’t want to stop for a real meal yet. They are everywhere on the street. In the mornings I would sometimes hear a man outside my window rolling his cart to the tourist area calling out “Simeet, simeet, simeeeeeet!”

Drink of (non-alcoholic) champions.

Ayran: I saw this beverage in the cooler of every market. It’s basically watery, plain yogurt. Females – when traveling, yogurt is your friend so eat it when you find it! Ayran was very cheap (like half a lira) and good for you. Not super delicious but not bad either when cold. I saw lots of people drinking this. Kind of made me feel non-touristy. But let’s be real, I was totally a tourist. No amount of local food is going to disguise me.  On the topic of drinks I would add that although I’m told the water in Istanbul is perfectly safe to drink and shouldn’t make you feel sick, I bought 1.5 liter bottles of water to keep in my room anyway.  They were cheap and I filled a little one with me to take everyday sightseeing.

Just looking at this picture gives me a sugar stomachache!

Tatli: I think tatli can mean any kind of sweet, but here I saw a man selling simit and tatli on his cart and the item looked like a ring of fried dough covered in honey. But covered is not really the right word. I don’t know what this baked good went through but when it was handed to me I was surprised at how heavy it was. It’s like it was submerged for a week in honey and then brought out to harden. It was wonderful and sticky and messy and I can honestly say I didn’t finish the entire thing. It was just too much sweet and I needed at least one other person (maybe two) to share it. My shame was eased by seeing another half-consumed honey ring in the trash when I finally gave up – I wasn’t alone. Similarly sweet and submerged in honey was some cake I decided to have for dinner one day. I was in a pastry shop ogling the goods when I man brought out this platter of cake from the back and set it down on top of the case. Golden brown and sticky. I asked what it was and he just said “honey cake with cream”. I had to have some and it was delicious.

Honey cake with cream? Sure!

Ice cream: Turkish ice cream is called dondurma and it’s not quite like ours. It’s better. It’s got orchid root flour and a resin called mastic which gives it a chewy texture and its also hardier in the heat. Is good stuff I tell you. So good I forgot to take a picture of mine but it does look like ice cream. Getting ice cream can be quite a show if you buy it from the right guys. They stir it constantly to keep it pliable and then tease you with it by putting it on the cone with a long metal rod and pulling it off, twirling the cone around, etc. Just look up dondurma on YouTube and you can find several examples of the ice cream show.

Selling corn and chestnuts.

Corn and chestnuts: I thought this was kind of a random pairing, but you can buy roasted corn or roasted chestnuts just as often as you can find simit sellers, usually at the same stand. I wasn’t a fan of the roasted corn; I thought it was chewy and tasteless but for 1.50tl it’s not an unhealthy snack. I didn’t try the chestnuts because I’ve had them before and didn’t like the taste, but I did buy some chocolate covered ones from Koska that I’m waiting to try when my cold is over and I can taste again.

It’s always tea time.

Tea: Turkish “çay” is drunk all day long all over the place. Neighborhoods and markets commonly have tea runners zipping through crowds with a silver platter of tea glasses and sugar cubes. I sat at a hookah bar in an old market cafe and sipped some tea while I finished off a simit one day and it was a nice was to relax. It was cheap (1.50tl) and flavorful but bitter. Most people don’t drink all the way to the bottom of the glass because then you get some tea leaves. Storekeepers leave their empty glasses sitting outside on the sidewalk to be picked up later. I resisted the urge to collect the pretty things myself.

Making me the best fish sandwich ever.

Fresh fish sandwich: Go to the riverbank alongside the Galata Bridge and get the best fish sandwich ever. Not from those restaurants under the bridge, but walk past the fish market and see the guys working their own grills with piles of veggies and spices and fish filets ready to be deboned for you. The best 5tl you will ever spend (exact change if you have it). Just watching them debone the filets is worth walking down there. Bring a drink, as the man is just in the sandwich biz.  What I learned from watching this guy is that I don’t put nearly enough spices in my food.  He had a pile of what looked like parprika/cumin/who knows what and he just kept throwing handfuls on my fish.  I resisted the urge to ask him to stop and of course, as he knew it would be, the sandwich was delicious.

A hot cup of gluey salep.

Salep: This is an interesting drink. It looks and has the consistency of Elmer’s glue. I got some one night at the Hippodrome and it was chilly so I was glad to have a hot cup in my hands. It is supposedly a good winter drink and makes you strong. Later I looked it up and found by strong they mean virile and salep is from the Latin word meaning “fox testicle”. Hm. Salep is orchid root flour and in this drink it is mixed with milk and honey and I’m not sure what else and topped with cinnamon. A stir stick would have been nice because it was thick stuff but drink it while its hot or it gets even thicker. It was a nice mild flowery flavor, not unpleasant. The whole virility thing makes me wonder if it is supposed to be a man’s drink though and if I broke some taboo by buying it.

Turkish Delight. The original gummy candy.

Lokum: Ah, Turkish Delight. Can’t go to Turkey and not have some. In fact, I was given a piece on the plane not long after we took off. The guys behind me thought it was cheese and I was embarrassed for them. How can you be going in Istanbul and not even know what Turkish Delight looks like? Anyway, it’s delicious chewy candy squares covered in corn starch (so they don’t stick together). Traditional flavors are pistachio and rose. I have a box of rose but like the chestnuts, I am waiting until I can taste again. I hear they taste just like a rose though.

I’m skeptical, but anything covered in chocolate can’t be all bad.

By the way, remember that although you’ll be able to bring honey back to the states with you, you can’t bring any meat products. Which sucks because I bought a nice lump of cured pastrami that was vacuum sealed and I thought it would be a great gift for my husband. Which it would have been, but then I was reminded by facebook friends that it was probably not going to clear customs. Internet research confirmed this and sadly, I left it behind for the housekeepers.

Ah, my poor pastrami, what a stupid purchase.

Of course there’s more food than this that should be tried, but I just didn’t get to it.  Maybe next time  I did almost fail and walk into one of the American chains I saw:  Starbucks, McDonald’s and Burger King.  But in the end what kept me from being a loser and getting the familiar Happy Meal was not only my love for having my fat chicken pita in the park but also the price.  15tl for a meal?  I couldn’t do that when the best stuff  around was 5-8tl.  American fast food thinks a little too highly of itself in a land with so much deliciousness.

P.s. I realized just now I forgot to mention my absolute favorite food find: sour cherry juice. It’s delicious and I drank it on the airplane and at breakfast every chance I got along with a dish of diced cucumbers and tomatoes in lemon olive oil. Good stuff. Do we have sour cherry juice here? Must remember to go looking for it

My home away from home for 10 hours.

Flights: If you can get a direct flight from the US to Istanbul, I highly recommend it (I booked this trip trough Orbitz). It will probably be from JFK on Turkish Airlines. I dislike JFK even more than ATL (who knew that was possible) but in this case it was a necessary evil. I’d rather change planes and deal with security in this country while I still have my bearings instead of running around an airport in Germany or the UK all half asleep. I loved the service on Turkish Airlines – the free wi-fi, the huge selection of free entertainment, the food and the little toiletries. Wish I could have slept on the plane but that never works for me. When you get to IST you will be directed to counters on your right where you purchase your visa. American citizens must pay $20 (yes, American dollars, not lira). You get a nice stamp in your passport then you keep walking down the hall and eventually you come to immigration where they will stamp your stamp. Easy peasy. Then you’ll be out in the baggage claim area and there’s a bathroom on your right. Duck in and wash your face and brush your teeth – you’re a hot mess. It’s a wonder they let you in the country.

My lovely hotel in Sultanahmet.

Metro System: Follow signs to the metro and on your right are machines for tokens but you want the one on the end where you can get an Istanbulkart (I’m assuming here you are cheap like me, love riding subways, and were smart enough to choose a hotel within waking distance from a metro station). The card will cost you 6 lira (they consider this a “deposit” but I never took the time to figure out how to get it back) and you can add money on to use it right away. You can also refill it at many stations when you run low. The card is good to use on any form of public transportation, including ferries. One metro ride will cost 1.95tl, but if you have to change stations you will have to pay again. It’s not like most subways here where as long as you are underground you can get to connecting stations for free. Almost certainly, anywhere you are going you will start on the M1 line and change at Zeytinburnu to get on the T1 line going towards Eminönü or Kabatas. I stayed in the Sultanahmet neighborhood and went as far as the Çemberlitas station. My hotel, Sultan House, turned out to be much easier to find than I thought it would be after a five minute walk in the right direction. Which reminds me: bring a compass! It’s easy to get turned around because all the roads are curvy. Many streets have signage but not always.  If you know what direction the thing you are looking for is from where you are, you’ll have no problem as long as you use your compass. There were plenty of times I would have been SOL without it.

Unless you are buying a carpet, you need small bills!

Money: I could have changed money at the airports or in the city, but I like to prepare for a trip ahead of time as much as possible so I ordered foreign currency from my bank. What I forgot to ask was if I could have small bills only. Unfortunately, most of what they gave me was 50 and 100 lira bills. I asked if I could send them back and get smaller bills and they said no. (Screw you Wells-Fargo!)  As I suspected, no one wants to take a 50 or 100 lira bill, unless you are actually spending 50 or 100 lira.  Which I never am, since I buy little souvenirs that cost under 10tl at a time for the most part.  Even my dinner was inexpensive, usually about 8tl, because I like to get something to go and eat in the parks rather than a more expensive sit-down place.  Not only do they not want your large bills, but I found that Turks have a hatred for making change in any amount that burns hotter than 1,000 suns.  Even using a 20 at the grocery store for a 9tl bill got me a dirty look from the cashier.  And here I am with most of my money in 50s and 100s.  I even had some people lower the price on what I was buying (54 to 50, 23 to 20), just to avoid making change.  I’ve never seen this change avoidance anywhere.  Luckily, there are plenty of non-shady currency exchange places that advertise “no commission” and I would sheepishly bring a 100 into one every day and ask for 20s.  If you want to get money ahead of time from your bank, make sure they can honor your request for small bills.  If not, they suck.  :P  By the way, don’t expect a receipt for anything you buy.  Write down your purchases at the end of the day with the approximate US value so you aren’t caught in a panic on the flight home trying to remember everything to put on your customs form.  If you buy something expensive, you should probably insist on a receipt in case you need it, but reputable sellers understand this.  My other money tip:  always keep a few 1tl coins in your pocket.  A free public bathroom in Istanbul is a rare thing.  More likely it will cost you 1tl, maybe even 1.50.  The guys as the counter will not be interested in making change.

Toilet Talk:  Since I brought it up and now I’m thinking about it, be prepared.  Not just with your lira coins, but bring a pack of Kleenix.  Sometimes you’ll be handed a napkin.  One.  Napkin.  I don’t use half a roll to pee, but I do like more than that.  And if you’ve never seen one, get ready to use a “squatty potty”.  Not all are squatties, but you’ll run into at least one.  Don’t be afraid!

Just as good as the one you hover over anyway, I promise.

Please, for the love of every WNY-er that has moved out of state, the rest of you have to get it together. There is a responsibility to do it right if your restaraunt is going to have Buffalo Wings on the menu. I will track you down, try them, and give you an earful about what you are doing wrong. So to be pre-emptive, take note. This is so EASY, and Buffalonians get really pissed off if you fuck up our favorite food. If you have anything to do with people who sell wings, share this with them!

1. Get the biggest wings you can find. Don’t make me wonder if you raise pigeons for this purpose. And do not give me the wing all in one piece. You need to break it in half so there is a wing and a drumstick. This is important because if you properly coat the wings, trying to break this up is just going to fling hot sauce in my eye. Ain’t nobody got time for that. Big wings. Don’t insult me.

2. The sauce is crucial, but so very simple. Don’t cock it up with extra ingredients – you only need two. Frank’s Red Hot and melted butter. Truly, that’s it. The Frank’s gives it the correct flavor and the varying amount of butter will regulate your heat level. It also helps the sauce get that nice radioactive orange color. When I first moved south I could not find Frank’s and had to make due with Texas Pete. I am happy to say Frank’s is now below the Mason-Dixon Line. You will be tempted to add something like pepper flakes or honey or BBQ sauce but if you do, don’t call it Buffalo sauce. If you deviate I must disown the sauce and shame you for your sin of pride. The first Buffalo wings I got in this area were covered in BBQ sauce. I can’t tell you how horrified I was. Fifteen years later and that incident still haunts me.

3. Don’t give me the sauce on the side, that is ridiculous. The sauce goes in a big stainless steel bowl, you dump the wings in and you toss to coat. Then pour the steaming hot mess into a basket without inhaling while standing over it, unless you want your nose to start running. These are supposed to be messy, so don’t skimp on the sauce or the napkins. Better yet, set out a roll of paper towels. Successfully coated wings will make sauce drip down your arms and get all over your face. Fancy people in white clothing should never eat Buffalo wings.

4. Buffalo wings are served with a side of celery sticks. Don’t even ask if I want them, it’s not an option. The only choice I get in this meal is how hot I want the sauce and if I want ranch or blue cheese with the celery. The celery helps cancel some of the heat and helps us feel like we actually ate something healthy. Even if I choose not to eat the celery, it needs to show up in the wing basket.

Is that so hard? I think not.
And for the record, Buffalo Wild Wings is not a good representation of anything related to Buffalo. You want good wings in Buffalo, go to a bar.

Here’s where I stand past having the travel package taken care of:

My little international phone came in, although it turns out the extra calling card I bought works for every country EXCEPT Turkey. Luckily the company was awesome and just added the minutes to the phone. Too bad I still really don’t understand how to make international calls. Seriously. Yes, there are directions and no, they don’t help me. My best hope in a crisis will be handing the phone off to someone else.

I don’t even understand the phone numbers. Do all international numbers start with a “+”? Do you dial it? That’s such a shamefully dumb question. I still need to program every possibly important number into the little guy.

Got my lira, and as you see in the picture they gave me way bigger bills than I wanted. Granted, 100 lira is only @$55 but have you ever tried paying for anything in this country with something bigger than a $20 bill? Good luck! I don’t know what I’ll be buying that I’ll make use of a bill that size.

I have been faithfully practicing my Earworms Turkish (Türkçe) lessons and they are downloaded on every computer and MP3 player I have access to. Plus I’m typing words in alpha order into my mangy little iPod Notes in case someone stands still long enough for me to look up a word when I completely forget anything I’ve learned. I can count to 29 and ask for a bottle of water. Absurdly, my husband does not seem impressed. Besides important words, I can check out the weather in Istanbul, remind myself of the exchange rate math, and send facebook updates when I get free wi-fi from the Pod.

I think I have the baggage situation figured out. Got a giant cross body PacSafe bag and a very lightweight REI back pack that fits all my theoretical clothing choices. Yeah, I already started packing. Luggage is a tough call: it hurts to drag around anything too large, but I waffle between packing light and having comforts of home. It’s a weird balancing act that changes with every location you go to. And speaking of clothing, there is so much advice out there on what NOT to wear and nothing about what I SHOULD pack. So baggy hiking pants it is, with plain shirts that aren’t too tight or cleavage baring. Boring stuff I don’t normally wear but not standing out is the whole idea.

Throughout all this planning, the elephant in the room of course is the tragedy of Sarai Seirra. She went missing just days after I booked my trip and even though they have a person held and charged with her murder, too much is fishy and unanswered still. I’d like to think I am going to make different choices, such as not wandering by myself into sketchy neighborhoods and railroad tracks, but nothing is a magic answer to how to stay safe – traveling or at home, alone or not.

I absolutely get and support gender neutral bathrooms, but it wasn’t until today that I realized I’m not comfortable in one. Maybe it was because I didn’t realize I had a choice (I didn’t notice any traditional ones nearby and with the conference I am at, it wouldn’t surprise me if it had been decided to make them all GN.), or maybe it was the realization that networking just got 100 times more awkward.

Washing my hands next to women, I can bond over the pain of heels or the best lip gloss ever. I’m not sure what to say to a guy when eye contact is made in the bathroom. Sounds like you had tacos for lunch? Or God forbid I would need to ask for toilet paper.

Welcome to my “out of my comfort zone” moment for today. Maybe I’ll try it again tomorrow and see if it gets less weird.