Istanbul Pt. 2: Food!

Prior to my trip, I started making a list of common foods so I would recognize them if they showed up on a menu. I didn’t want to order something really scary. Turns out I never consulted that list because all in all, Turkish food looked pretty damned delicious. There were two things I didn’t want to eat: zaytin and korcoreç. Zaytin is olives and I just hate those. The other is a sandwich with some type of intestines in it. I’m sorry. My adventurous spirit draws the line at intestines. But everything else was fair game so I just bought stuff I saw people eating and enjoyed it all. I tried to remember to take pictures of everything for blogging’s sake but sometimes I was just too into eating to remember.

My delicious dinner most nights.

Chicken pita döner: Döner kebab refers to layers of meat on a rotating spit, and you get the bits of meat shaved off the sides on this hunk into a pita or other flatbread also stuffed with slaw and a few French fries. It was my go-to dinner of choice in Istanbul, mostly because there was a place right next to the Blue Mosque park where I liked to hang out around 5:00pm and listen to the call to prayer with the feral cats. For 7.50tl I got a filling sandwich and a can of Coke. Sometimes it was only 7tl because of the aforementioned Turkish hatred of making change.

Typical simit stand.

Simit: A simit can be best described as a Turkish bagel. It’s round, larger than a bagel, and covered in sesame seeds. Pretty bland on its own but at 1tl it is a good emergency snack when you start to get cranky with hunger and don’t want to stop for a real meal yet. They are everywhere on the street. In the mornings I would sometimes hear a man outside my window rolling his cart to the tourist area calling out “Simeet, simeet, simeeeeeet!”

Drink of (non-alcoholic) champions.

Ayran: I saw this beverage in the cooler of every market. It’s basically watery, plain yogurt. Females – when traveling, yogurt is your friend so eat it when you find it! Ayran was very cheap (like half a lira) and good for you. Not super delicious but not bad either when cold. I saw lots of people drinking this. Kind of made me feel non-touristy. But let’s be real, I was totally a tourist. No amount of local food is going to disguise me.  On the topic of drinks I would add that although I’m told the water in Istanbul is perfectly safe to drink and shouldn’t make you feel sick, I bought 1.5 liter bottles of water to keep in my room anyway.  They were cheap and I filled a little one with me to take everyday sightseeing.

Just looking at this picture gives me a sugar stomachache!

Tatli: I think tatli can mean any kind of sweet, but here I saw a man selling simit and tatli on his cart and the item looked like a ring of fried dough covered in honey. But covered is not really the right word. I don’t know what this baked good went through but when it was handed to me I was surprised at how heavy it was. It’s like it was submerged for a week in honey and then brought out to harden. It was wonderful and sticky and messy and I can honestly say I didn’t finish the entire thing. It was just too much sweet and I needed at least one other person (maybe two) to share it. My shame was eased by seeing another half-consumed honey ring in the trash when I finally gave up – I wasn’t alone. Similarly sweet and submerged in honey was some cake I decided to have for dinner one day. I was in a pastry shop ogling the goods when I man brought out this platter of cake from the back and set it down on top of the case. Golden brown and sticky. I asked what it was and he just said “honey cake with cream”. I had to have some and it was delicious.

Honey cake with cream? Sure!

Ice cream: Turkish ice cream is called dondurma and it’s not quite like ours. It’s better. It’s got orchid root flour and a resin called mastic which gives it a chewy texture and its also hardier in the heat. Is good stuff I tell you. So good I forgot to take a picture of mine but it does look like ice cream. Getting ice cream can be quite a show if you buy it from the right guys. They stir it constantly to keep it pliable and then tease you with it by putting it on the cone with a long metal rod and pulling it off, twirling the cone around, etc. Just look up dondurma on YouTube and you can find several examples of the ice cream show.

Selling corn and chestnuts.

Corn and chestnuts: I thought this was kind of a random pairing, but you can buy roasted corn or roasted chestnuts just as often as you can find simit sellers, usually at the same stand. I wasn’t a fan of the roasted corn; I thought it was chewy and tasteless but for 1.50tl it’s not an unhealthy snack. I didn’t try the chestnuts because I’ve had them before and didn’t like the taste, but I did buy some chocolate covered ones from Koska that I’m waiting to try when my cold is over and I can taste again.

It’s always tea time.

Tea: Turkish “çay” is drunk all day long all over the place. Neighborhoods and markets commonly have tea runners zipping through crowds with a silver platter of tea glasses and sugar cubes. I sat at a hookah bar in an old market cafe and sipped some tea while I finished off a simit one day and it was a nice was to relax. It was cheap (1.50tl) and flavorful but bitter. Most people don’t drink all the way to the bottom of the glass because then you get some tea leaves. Storekeepers leave their empty glasses sitting outside on the sidewalk to be picked up later. I resisted the urge to collect the pretty things myself.

Making me the best fish sandwich ever.

Fresh fish sandwich: Go to the riverbank alongside the Galata Bridge and get the best fish sandwich ever. Not from those restaurants under the bridge, but walk past the fish market and see the guys working their own grills with piles of veggies and spices and fish filets ready to be deboned for you. The best 5tl you will ever spend (exact change if you have it). Just watching them debone the filets is worth walking down there. Bring a drink, as the man is just in the sandwich biz.  What I learned from watching this guy is that I don’t put nearly enough spices in my food.  He had a pile of what looked like parprika/cumin/who knows what and he just kept throwing handfuls on my fish.  I resisted the urge to ask him to stop and of course, as he knew it would be, the sandwich was delicious.

A hot cup of gluey salep.

Salep: This is an interesting drink. It looks and has the consistency of Elmer’s glue. I got some one night at the Hippodrome and it was chilly so I was glad to have a hot cup in my hands. It is supposedly a good winter drink and makes you strong. Later I looked it up and found by strong they mean virile and salep is from the Latin word meaning “fox testicle”. Hm. Salep is orchid root flour and in this drink it is mixed with milk and honey and I’m not sure what else and topped with cinnamon. A stir stick would have been nice because it was thick stuff but drink it while its hot or it gets even thicker. It was a nice mild flowery flavor, not unpleasant. The whole virility thing makes me wonder if it is supposed to be a man’s drink though and if I broke some taboo by buying it.

Turkish Delight. The original gummy candy.

Lokum: Ah, Turkish Delight. Can’t go to Turkey and not have some. In fact, I was given a piece on the plane not long after we took off. The guys behind me thought it was cheese and I was embarrassed for them. How can you be going in Istanbul and not even know what Turkish Delight looks like? Anyway, it’s delicious chewy candy squares covered in corn starch (so they don’t stick together). Traditional flavors are pistachio and rose. I have a box of rose but like the chestnuts, I am waiting until I can taste again. I hear they taste just like a rose though.

I’m skeptical, but anything covered in chocolate can’t be all bad.

By the way, remember that although you’ll be able to bring honey back to the states with you, you can’t bring any meat products. Which sucks because I bought a nice lump of cured pastrami that was vacuum sealed and I thought it would be a great gift for my husband. Which it would have been, but then I was reminded by facebook friends that it was probably not going to clear customs. Internet research confirmed this and sadly, I left it behind for the housekeepers.

Ah, my poor pastrami, what a stupid purchase.

Of course there’s more food than this that should be tried, but I just didn’t get to it.  Maybe next time  I did almost fail and walk into one of the American chains I saw:  Starbucks, McDonald’s and Burger King.  But in the end what kept me from being a loser and getting the familiar Happy Meal was not only my love for having my fat chicken pita in the park but also the price.  15tl for a meal?  I couldn’t do that when the best stuff  around was 5-8tl.  American fast food thinks a little too highly of itself in a land with so much deliciousness.

P.s. I realized just now I forgot to mention my absolute favorite food find: sour cherry juice. It’s delicious and I drank it on the airplane and at breakfast every chance I got along with a dish of diced cucumbers and tomatoes in lemon olive oil. Good stuff. Do we have sour cherry juice here? Must remember to go looking for it

Buffalo Wings: You’re Doing it Wrong

I’ve never understood what is so hard about making a decent plate of Buffalo wings (which, for the record, are not called “Buffalo” wings in Buffalo). If you go farther east than Syracuse or farther south than Erie, suddenly a fog descends over your mind and you can’t figure out how to replicate a simple delicacy? Come the fuck ON.

Please, for the love of every WNY-er that has moved out of state, the rest of you have to get it together. There is a responsibility to do it right if your restaraunt is going to have Buffalo Wings on the menu. I will track you down, try them, and give you an earful about what you are doing wrong. So to be pre-emptive, take note. This is so EASY, and Buffalonians get really pissed off if you fuck up our favorite food. If you have anything to do with people who sell wings, share this with them!

1. Get the biggest wings you can find. Don’t make me wonder if you raise pigeons for this purpose. And do not give me the wing all in one piece. You need to break it in half so there is a wing and a drumstick. This is important because if you properly coat the wings, trying to break this up is just going to fling hot sauce in my eye. Ain’t nobody got time for that. Big wings. Don’t insult me.

2. The sauce is crucial, but so very simple. Don’t cock it up with extra ingredients – you only need two. Frank’s Red Hot and melted butter. Truly, that’s it. The Frank’s gives it the correct flavor and the varying amount of butter will regulate your heat level. It also helps the sauce get that nice radioactive orange color. When I first moved south I could not find Frank’s and had to make due with Texas Pete. I am happy to say Frank’s is now below the Mason-Dixon Line. You will be tempted to add something like pepper flakes or honey or BBQ sauce but if you do, don’t call it Buffalo sauce. If you deviate I must disown the sauce and shame you for your sin of pride. The first Buffalo wings I got in this area were covered in BBQ sauce. I can’t tell you how horrified I was. Fifteen years later and that incident still haunts me.

3. Don’t give me the sauce on the side, that is ridiculous. The sauce goes in a big stainless steel bowl, you dump the wings in and you toss to coat. Then pour the steaming hot mess into a basket without inhaling while standing over it, unless you want your nose to start running. These are supposed to be messy, so don’t skimp on the sauce or the napkins. Better yet, set out a roll of paper towels. Successfully coated wings will make sauce drip down your arms and get all over your face. Fancy people in white clothing should never eat Buffalo wings.

4. Buffalo wings are served with a side of celery sticks. Don’t even ask if I want them, it’s not an option. The only choice I get in this meal is how hot I want the sauce and if I want ranch or blue cheese with the celery. The celery helps cancel some of the heat and helps us feel like we actually ate something healthy. Even if I choose not to eat the celery, it needs to show up in the wing basket.

Is that so hard? I think not.
And for the record, Buffalo Wild Wings is not a good representation of anything related to Buffalo. You want good wings in Buffalo, go to a bar.

Snickers Salad: Sounds So Wrong it Had to be Tried

Today’s lesson:  be careful what you pin – you just might get it.

For a friend’s birthday party I decided I would go to her Pinterest boards because she’s always pinning food.  Figured I’d find something she had been lusting over and bring it for her.  But I’m also fairly picky and not into cooking anything even remotely complicated.  Then I saw a weird picture which turned out to be some monstrosity called “Snicker Salad”.  Egads.  This has GOT to have originated in the South.  It’s essentially candy and apples, with a binder holding them together.  Game on.

The Snickers portion, with a little toffee kick.

I altered some things in this recipe but you gotta have the Snickers.  It’s a must do.  I chopped up a Halloween bag of fun-sized bars the night before (probably @22 ounce bag or @38 bars).  I also decided that it would need some some toffee brickle – kind of like the bacon bits to my candy salad, if you will.  I didn’t use this whole bag, just @ half of it.  There are so many other things in my house that can be made better with toffee bits it seemed a shame to waste the entire bag here.

Then I chopped up 8 green apples.  You need the sour to balance the sweet!

The last thing you need is the binder.  What holds the salad together?  In the original recipes I read there were a variety of gross and/or complicated combinations including vanilla pudding, milk, Cool Whip and marshmallow fluff.  All that seemed unnecessary when you could just throw vanilla yogurt in there and stir.  I mean really.  Let’s simplify our lives.

Your average big tub of vanilla yogurt.

I actually put the yogurt in a giant bowl first and threw the apples in as I was chopping, which kept them from turning brown.

Apples and yogurt.

Then all you do is add the chopped candy and toffee bits – it’s that easy.  I bought whipped cream just in case I tasted it and felt it needed something sweeter, but it didn’t.  I took it to the party in case people wanted to add it but they didn’t.  People were perfectly happy scooping out and eating the salad as is – even the healthy eaters liked it.  As for my birthday friend, she looked a little surprised/apprehensive (she didn’t remember pinning it).  My friends should maybe re-evaluate what they’re pinning

Oh my. That’s not potato salad!

Nutella Can Suck It.

Pinterest needs to get over it’s Nutella obsession – it’s like the entire world just found this ingredient that’s been in stores for years.  Dare I say decades.  I’ll admit, when I was introduced to this (in college, by my roommate’s mom), I thought I’d died and gone to heaven.  Then  my suitemates stuck their paws all in my jar and that kind of killed the magic.  Anyway, my point is where have you been?  It’s not like Buffalo is some groundbreaking culinary town that had all the exotic flavors you can’t find anywhere else.  It’s wings and pizza and Wegman’s for God’s sake (although I admit, I do so miss Wegman’s).

I’m okay not finding ways to stick Nutella into every dish.  By the way, it’s not healthy.  The commercials lie.  And I’m okay not setting up my food in some kind of studio lighting, as evidenced by what was probably the best snack I’ve ever thrown together just now:

Note my awesome new plates. It’s like the wedding china I never had, at last. I know I’m a dork.

Behold the mundane and ugly snack bites that will hold me over until dinner!  Tremble before the tower of dark chocolate, peanut butter, banana and honey!  Oh, the humanity!

I Want Bread Now (Well, like three hours from now)

Bread.

Fresh baked bread.  Is there anything better?  Really?

I’m sitting here trying to figure out what’s for dinner.  All I can come up with is spaghetti because I’m in a tomato sauce mood but we don’t have any bread to go with it.  Andy reminds me that we have hot dog buns that need to be used, so I can make garlic bread with them.  THIS SUGGESTION IS AN ABOMINATION.  I head to Pinterest.  There I am saved by finding a lead on a no-knead bread recipe from theitaliandishblog.com  – but even a no-knead, four ingredient bread recipe is too much for me because she starts talking about things like steam and baking stones and I just want some awesome bread that I don’t have to pay an arm and a leg for at Earth Fare.  But, I can make a big batch of this and keep it in the refrigerator to cut off a hunk when I want to bake.  So I have a plan and it involves cast iron instead of a baking stone and ignoring that steam action.  On second thought, I’ll try the steam thing; it’s not like I don’t have water and a pan.  Let’s see how badly this turns out.

For once I have everything I need!

I halved the original recipe and it looks like it will make 2 loaves.  I’m using:

1 packet of instant dry yeast

¾ tablespoon sea salt

1 ½ cup warm water

3 ¼ cups flour (I used half bread flour and half all-purpose)

Random amount of Mrs. Dash (I just thought it would be a nice addition, I’ll use more next time)

Once you start working with this, flour your hands well – it’s super sticky

Put yeast, sea salt, and Mrs. Dash in a large bowl.  Add warm water.  Throw in the flour and mix it until you don’t see any dry patches.  That’s it.  How easy is that?  I can do that.  Now it’s supposed to sit for at least two hours (or overnight in the fridge).  That’s where I cut corners today, because I want this done sometime close to dinner time.  I lasted about 90 minutes (and wonders of wonders, I actually saw that it got poofy!).  I took half and formed it into a ball and left it to rise again on well floured wax paper (@20 minutes) and put the other half in the fridge.  It’s in a bowl with a lid but I read not to snap the lid completely shut so gases can escape.  Or you can cover the bowl in plastic wrap with a small hole in it.

My skillet and dough almost ready for the oven.

Then I put the cast iron skillet (top rack) and empty cake pan in the oven and set it to 450.  The cake pan (bottom rack) is where the cup of water will go, to help steam the bread and give it a nice crust.  The problem with this is getting the dough in the skillet when it’s time without totally ruining and deflating it.  I didn’t do so well, but I did remember at the last minute to slash the loaf top a few times to be artsy and let gas escape.    This is supposed to help you not have misshaped bread, but I had that going on anyway at this point.    Bake for 30-35 minutes.   Remember to throw a cup or so of water in the cake pan.

Eureka!

Holy shitballs, I just made amazing bread.  Seriously.  I’m in a carb coma.  Turns out anything I did wrong didn’t matter.  True, I didn’t have a cute round boule but I had hot, crusty bread with my dinner and it was GOOD.  And I can tell this is a good basic dough to add things to, depending on your mood and what you have on hand.  Maybe garlic and cheese next time…

Bacon Cupcakes

No, really, these are goooood. Think chocolate chip pancakes with a side of bacon.

Plain old box of vanilla cake mix
Plain old can of chocolate frosting
Maple syrup (any pancake syrup will do in a pinch but maple is best) – @ 1/4 cup
One 16 oz. package of bacon (real bacon only – turkey bacon is an abomination)
Optional chocolate chips
Line or grease cupcake tins (makes 18-24 cupcakes) and mix and cook cupcakes according to box directions – but be sure to add the maple syrup and optional chocolate chips.
While they are baking, cook your bacon and let cool.
Once cooled, break up bacon into bits.
Once cooled, frost cupcakes.
Using @ one strip of bacon per cupcake, sprinkle bits onto the chocolate frosting.
Share them with everyone you know – when bacon gets old it gets chewy.  Bacon should never get old.

Another treat brought to you by the Furlough Day Bakery!

Post Moving: Mom’s Granola Cereal

I’m slowly finding my posts in other places around Webland and eventually I’ll get it all together here. Until then, let’s pretend these are new! This happens to be one of my favorite childhood recipes, I was always psyched when mom wanted to make this.

3 cups cooked oatmeal
1 cup untoasted wheat germ
1 cup coconut
1/3 cup honey
1/3 cup oil
¼ cup powdered milk
2tablesppons brown sugar
2 tablespoons cinnamon
1 teaspoon vanilla

Mix all dry ingredients together in a large, shallow glass dish.
Combine the honey, oil and vanilla in a saucepan – heat until warm.
Drizzle warm liquid over dry ingredients while stirring – coating thoroughly.
Toast for one hour at 250 or half an hour at 300 degrees, stirring often.

If desired add seeds, nuts and raisins after cooling. I don’t add anything, and I think the best way to eat it is while it’s still warm and you throw it in a bowl with cold milk.

Pig Candy (wipe that drool off your face)

If you are a cardiologist, please stop reading now.  This post will only upset you.

To paraphrase a line from “Natural Born Killers” – You know her, you love her, you cannot f*cking live without her…Pig Candy.  This is the snack food to end all snack foods.  This can be a meal.  This can be an appetizer.  This can be a dessert.  This can be magic if you want everyone to love you, because they will.

This is not my recipe by the way, it comes from the Sweet Potato Queens’ Big Ass Cookbook and Financial Planner.   By far the most useful cookbook I’ve ever owned.  Before I learned of this, I thought the only way to cook bacon was standing over a frying pan, jumping back from burning grease.  This is so easy and pain free.  It’s not even that hard to clean up, and when’s the last time you said that about bacon?

I digress though, because the point of this post is that IT’S FREAKIN’ DELICIOUS.  You must make some immediately and tell me all about how you became the Saviour of the next party/office gathering/brunch/football game.  You can eat it hot or cold.  I have no idea if it’s good the next day or how to store it and it’s even too ridiculous to think about that possibility.

Pig candy is just bacon baked in brown sugar.  You’re thinking, “I’ve had brown sugar bacon before” but you have not.  Brown sugar cured bacon is not what we are talking about.

So get out the following:  bacon (any kind), brown sugar (light or dark), shallow bowl, baking pan (like a cookie sheet with sides), some kind of baking rack that fits inside the pan, aluminum foil.

The basics: No need for anything fancy.

Before you do anything else, put your oven on 350 and completely cover your baking pan in aluminum foil, including over the edges.  I promise you, it’s the most important step and even if a little sugary grease leaks in, it won’t be nearly as hard to clean as if you forget to do this.  If you forget, you might as well throw the pan out.  You might see in some of my pictures that I did not quite make it over the pan edges – that’s just because I ran out of foil.  I’m not stuffing the whole pan full of bacon to the edges today like I usually do so I can get a way with it.  But normally I am making 1-2 pans with as many pieces as possible for some event and I don’t want any seams for the grease to sneak under.  Once the grease cools later you can just fold up the foil and throw it away.

Next you need to coat your bacon with brown sugar.

You'll need both clean hands for this.

Domino makes a brown sugar called “brownulated” - it is teeny balls of brown sugar that doesn’t clump up like the normal stuff.  IF you can find it, it’s perfect for this but I haven’t seen it in a grocery store in a long time.  That sugar sticks perfectly.  If you are like me and not going to order it online, you are working with the regular stuff.  Take each piece and smush it into the sugar in the shallow bowl, coating both sides as well as you can.  Then place it on your baking rack.

Hello beautiful!

BTW, don’t panic if you don’t have one of these sexy grid baking racks.  Any baking rack that keeps the bacon off the pan, allowing grease to drip off will do.  We just happen to have this rack and pan for making jerky – if you want one, it came from Bass Pro.  I think it’s pretty awesome and I love cooling cookies on it.

Close-up of sugared bacon, aka Bacon Porn

Throw this in the oven and prepare for your house to smell divine.  If you live in an apartment, your neighbors will be bitter with jealousy.  This will cook for @20 minutes but it’s going to depend on your stove and how thick or thin the bacon is.  Only you will know this so watch carefully the first time you make it.  For me, average bacon in my average stove is 20-25 minutes.  I took this pan out after 20 and it was pretty awesome, although 5 more minutes wouldn’t have hurt it either.

After 20 minutes on 350 in my oven.

You are going to want to remove this from the rack pretty quick.  If you let it sit more than a minute, the sugar will start to harden and the bacon will break off and stick to the rack.  Nothing sadder than lost Pig Candy.  So unless you have asbestos fingertips, grab tongs of some sort and remove the bacon to a plate, platter, whatever – but NO PAPER TOWELS.

Yum

I know this goes against everything you think you know about cooking bacon, but you DO NOT want to blot your Pig Candy.  That grease you think you are removing is now sugary nectar of the gods.  It’s also not okay to shake the bacon on the way to the plate or otherwise try to remove any grease that didn’t drip off while cooking.  Don’t do it.  Fight that urge, you will thank me later.

You can eat this as soon as you can stand the hotness, or you can eat it cold.  Eating it cold gives the sugar more time to crystallize so it’s even more candy-like.  I think the ends are the best part because they are the crispiest.  It is divine, I promise.  Trying to eat more than three pieces at once is not advised though, so share.  Be suspicious of people who do not love this.  They may have a demon in them.

Four Minute, Four Ingredient Fudge

Actually, it should chill for an hour or two.  By four minutes I mean how long it takes to get in the fridge.

Completely line 8×8 pan with waxed paper.

Put the following in a microwave safe bowl and zap for 30-45 seconds:

3 cups of chocolate chips

1 can (14 oz) sweetened condensed milk

Dash of salt

After zapping, stir and hopefully all your chips have melted.  Add in 1 1/2 teaspoons of vanilla and dump the delightful mess into the pan.  Stick in the fridge for as long as you can stand it.

You’re welcome.

Why does everyone think fudge is hard to make?