FOOD: King Cake, Complete with Disturbing Imagery

One day I will publish a cookbook titled “Things I Can Make that Don’t Taste Like Crap”.  Until then, I will post such things as this.

Since I’m coming down off my post-king cake sugar high I will not go into the history of king cake as I do not have the energy.  Someone else can pitch in if they want.  Suffice it to say, this bread/pastry has to do with Mardi Gras and the Carnival season which started on January 6th.  So we made this to celebrate it.  The recipe is kind of lengthy (compared to the  stuff I usually make) but hang in there.

Cake Ingredients:

1/4 cup water

1 cup whole milk

1/2 cup melted butter (1 stick)

1 large egg

1 tsp. vanilla

1/2 tsp. salt

1/2 cup white sugar

4 1/2 cup bread flour (1 1/4 lb.)

1 tbsp. vital wheat gluten

1 packet of yeast

1 tsp. cinnamon and dash of nutmeg (both optional)

In a bowl mix water, milk and egg.  Melt butter and add to mixture.  Mix completely.  Next add vanilla, salt, sugar, cinnamon and nutmeg.  As always, mix completely.

Add flour one cup at a time for the first three cups (mix after each one).  Add the last cup and a half with the wheat gluten and yeast, then mix until the dough pulls away from the sides and all dry ingredients are incorporated.

Grab another large bowl and coat it with oil.  Take dough and roll it around the oiled bowl until all sides are coated.  Cover bowl with plastic wrap and let sit in a warm location for two hours.

Filling Ingredients:

1 cup light brown sugar

1/4 cup melted butter

Mix these!  If you feel that’s not enough and you need more, we won’t judge.  Roll dough out on a lightly floured surface and spread your sugar mixture.

Rachel's shirt claims she's a saint. It's false advertising.

Fold dough (or roll) several times until you get a long tube of dough.  Now here’s the part I always suck at:  Connect the two ends of the dough, making sure there’s no seam.  Yeah right.

Place dough on a parchment covered baking sheet and once again cover with plastic wrap.  Let rise 45 minutes.

Makes one big cake or two mini ones.

After 45 minutes take a brush and cover the cake with milk, making sure to brush the sides as well as top.  Place cake in oven at 350 degrees for 35 minutes.  If your oven is crazy hot like my old one used to be, try 325 for 25 minutes.  If you don’t know if you have a crazy hot oven, you don’t.

Milked and ready for the oven (at last).

Icing Part One:

1/2 cup powdered sugar

7  tsp whole milk

This is a thin icing to pour over the whole cake as soon as it comes out of the oven.  Use all of the icing then let the cake cool at least 10 minutes.

CAUTION:  Here’s where we go from average cooking blog post and venture into WTF, which is where you have to go if you hang out with me.  I think only ladies can appreciate this next observation, and it may even be too much for some of you ladies so I apologize.  Once some things are read, they can’t be unread so tread carefully.  But it won’t stop me from saying it.  Once our little cake rings cooked and puffed up they looked like…a cervix.  Exactly like a giant cervix.  Ask me how I know that.  I dare you.

ANYWAY…in that case, there was only one place to hide the baby.

If this was in any way proportionate to real life, I'd almost consider having a baby.

Now for the final part – Icing Part Two:

1 cup powdered sugar

7 tsp whole milk

This icing is thicker but you can brush it on as well.  Add your purple, green and gold (okay yellow – Wal-Mart doesn’t carry gold) sprinkles.  Ta-Da!  This type of king cake is more like a bread, I know some are more like coffee cakes. To each his own, this is pretty tasty!

And yes, I'm using the awesome lobster feet platter.

I know what you’re thinking now.  It’s a purple, green and gold cervix.  And then we stuck candles in it for Rachel’s birthday.  You’re welcome.

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About deepfriedyankee

I am a parade of one. A seeker of bathtubmarys. A lover of Mardi Gras, bacon and marbles. I have the patience of a saint. A very, very flawed saint.
This entry was posted in Food, Mardi Gras and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to FOOD: King Cake, Complete with Disturbing Imagery

  1. Mandy says:

    The bread maker on the dough setting makes the first part waaaaaaaaaay easier. The only thing I actually use it for anymore.

    • Yeah, I didn’t even mention the bread maker or dough hook option because not everyone has that. I didn’t want anyone to feel like it couldn’t be done by hand. I did it by hand.

  2. Mandy says:

    Also, I think the recipe you originally sent me had a tablespoon of cinnamon.

  3. Old Bubba says:

    Tradition. Loved it

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