Rage Against the Gift Exchange

A newish co-worker leaned over yesterday in a meeting and quietly asked a question about the gift exchange my division does at the holiday party.  “I don’t play that game, I hate it.” I told him – perhaps a bit too bluntly because he looked at me like he had made a mistake or perhaps like I eat kittens for breakfast.  Some explanation was in order.

I don’t care for gift exchange games.  Nobody’s on the same page about what kind of gift to bring, everyone argues over the rules of the game, and there are always people disappointed by the outcome.   I know, it’s just a GAME and it’s meant to be fun and not taken seriously.  I don’t find it fun when I spend money on a gift and bring home crap that’s going straight to Goodwill.  Or when I pick something nice and my friendly co-worker steals it from me.  Someone recently told me a story about a gift exchange where she unwrapped an empty box, and everyone laughed and laughed like it was the funniest thing ever.  That sucks.


I wish people could just get their gift exchange shit together, and not treat this as an opportunity to unload junk you have been too lazy to donate.  As a fan of de-cluttering, this is one of those activities it’s easy for me to back away from.  Yes, I’m the one person sitting among 40 or so not playing, but I am snacking and visiting with co-workers just the same and having a fine morning NOT getting angry that my gift has been stolen for the third time and now the only thing left for me is the VHS tape of George of the Jungle that reappears every year.

A “White elephant” is defined as a possession that is useless or troublesome.  Why don’t we stop encouraging that and have GOOD gift exchanges?  Come on – you see what the coveted gifts are every year.  Why are we not all bringing those things and everybody goes home happy?  How about don’t shop at Spencer’s for a gift?  How about not having a full page of rules and instructions on how to play?  How about just bringing:

  • Chocolate
  • Booze
  • Scratch-off instant lottery tickets
  • Whatever is a coveted food item in your area: box of Krispy Kreme, bottle of Frank’s Red Hot sauce, Biscoff cookie butter, etc…

WAIT you say – What about that person who is a recovering alcoholic, has a lot of food allergies and thinks gambling is a sin?  They can swap out their gift for that George of the Jungle tape we’ll be keeping in the back for just such an emergency.  Or that coffee mug filled with generic hard candies wrapped in red and green foil, because I’m sure you need another coffee mug.  Hint: NO ONE NEEDS ANOTHER COFFEE MUG.

Please, please, people who get the unenviable task of putting together their office holiday party, set some gift exchange ground rules to make it suck less.  I know there will always be that one asshole who insists they need to carry on the tradition of passing off that Yanni cassette to some poor celebrant who was hoping for a Godiva bar, and that’s not your fault.  At least you tried and I for one appreciate it.

Posted in holidays, Humor, Life, Student Affairs | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

Easy Consent Primer

My Facebook news feed runneth over with opinions and outrage over the recent light sentencing of the Stanford student found guilty on three counts of sexual assault.  I won’t rehash that – You’ve read plenty already I’m sure.  So many things to be angry about here like white privilege,  rape culture, binge drinking, inability to accept blame for one’s actions, consent and what it is or is not.

As someone who works with students in a university setting, all the arguments and excuses that come up during a sexual assault investigation are familiar to me.  I think what makes this crime really dig into my heart is that SO MANY of them are in this case.  This is like a case study to end all case studies when it comes to how certain types of people are able to get out of horrible things and somehow continue to remain completely oblivious to the wreckage they leave in their wake.  Part of my job is to educate the students in my care, and we all know simple can sometimes work best for busy folks with short attention spans.  Therefore, to assist everyone who finds themselves in the same confused and deluded boat, trying to sail away from responsibility on the river of Denial, I bring you a short primer on what to remember when you find yourself on top of a person who is unconscious (BESIDES quickly getting help to make sure they are okay).  Feel free to use as necessary.


Posted in college, Life, Residence Life, Student Affairs | Tagged , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

24 Things Women Over 30 Should Wear

This morning, as I was perusing  my Facebook timeline, I happened upon an article that a lovely friend shared. It was entitled “24 Things Women Should Stop Wearing After Age 30”, a…

Source: 24 Things Women Over 30 Should Wear

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Me and Moses and Losing My Religion

Happy Easter!   

 Our only Easter tradition these days seems to be watching all the hours of The Ten Commandments (The REAL version with Charlton and Yul) and buying a pile of chocolate for ourselves.  We’re even a holiday behind this year, with corned beef and cabbage in the crockpot.  Maybe we’ll do ham for Cinco de Mayo and have margaritas for The Fourth of July.

Easter always gets me thinking seriously about my religion (or lack thereof) in a way Christmas never does.  Must be the torture and death.  I’m such a bad Catholic now that someone had to remind me what Good Friday was all about.  And thank goodness for that infogram on facebook breaking down the horrors to specific hours.  I know, I know…  But looking from the outside in, Good Friday seems like a really poor choice of titles for the day. I haven’t been to a church service in years that wasn’t tied to a wedding or a funeral.  I don’t consider myself a Catholic anymore, although I was raised that and went through Confirmation and all. Cecelia is the saint name I chose, for those that are curious. Today, I consider myself a human being who tries to be as good as she is able on any given day.  That’s not a religion, that’s just not being a dick.  I’m okay with that.  If we have a higher being I feel they will be okay with that as well.

Organized religion just stopped making sense to me and no one could give me answers that seemed right. It probably happens to most people and then they somehow reconcile and put away thier doubts.  That’s faith?  When something doesn’t make sense but you’re going to believe in it anyway?  Yeah…no.  I couldn’t do it.  It never seemed right that somehow I happened to be part of the “real” religion and everyone else was mistaken and doomed.  I lasted until shortly after confirmation when I finally said this religion stuff was bullshit.  I probably said exactly that, I don’t recall.  But I know what the last straw was, the last stupid little thing that make me think people were totally lying to me about how serious all these rules were that I was brought up with and was supposed to be terrified to go against.   

St. Patrick’s Day on a Friday was all it took.

Buffalo has a pretty big Irish population and apparently there was consternation over not being able to eat corned beef on St. Patrick’s day since it was a Friday during Lent.  The Cardinal over the Buffalo area then gave Special Dispensation to eat corned beef that Friday that year.  I went WHAAAT………..?  Suddenly, all these rules of what you could and could not do to avoid going to Hell got pretty hazy. I was out.  I didn’t make a big stink about it but slowly I withdrew from “churchy things” and once I was in college I only went to mass on major holidays to make my mother happy.

I may not be part of a religion on purpose now, but I can’t exactly remove everything I was raised with.  It’s just a bit different these days.  I do believe there was a man named Jesus.  I have a feeling that some stories in the Bible are loosely based on true events and others are completely fabricated to suit the needs of important men. I think Mary Magdalene was far more important than we have been told and might have been Jesus’ wife.  There’s so much we don’t know about that people just have faith in but that’s never been me. 

I just try not to be an asshole.  


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The Trump Report

I went to a Trump rally held at my institution in January because we get a lot of candidates coming through there and I thought it would be a hoot.  It kind of wasn’t, and I just realized today that I posted the story to my facebook but forgot to put it here.  So sorry for the two month delay!

First of all, the man let me down. It was the same old rhetoric I’ve heard from every candidate. He’s going to fix the social security problem, the immigration problem, the healthcare problem, blah blah blah. You and everybody else. I did think it was funny when he started talking about Mexico and said “I love the Mexican people – a lot of them work for me.”  He had zero explanation for how he would implement any of his plans.

I walked there and I’m so glad because the line of cars and line of people was amazingly ridiculous. (In fact, while in line I learned that our 6,500 seat coliseum actually seats 14,000 and 20,000 tickets had been claimed. Our facilities folks told me Trump’s people would never tell them how many tickets they had given out.) If only our basketball team drew that many supporters into that building. I was the only one not freezing in line because I was wearing all my fluorescent winter running gear – and a sock monkey hat – because you know me. I like to blend in. While in line, I could have shopped for many delightful items including a Trump scarf, t-shirts and buttons that said “bomb the shit out of ISIS”, bumper stickers proclaiming that if Hillary can’t please her husband she can’t please the country, another that simply said “Trump that bitch”, and oddly enough, Trump underwear (white briefs).  

It was clear that Trump feels really threatened by Hillary judging by those stickers and the number of times he disparaged her. Other than that, the only remotely interesting thing was the instruction given to the crowd in case of protesters or hecklers. We were told to immediately begin chanting TRUMP and point towards the person until the police could grab them. No other candidate I’ve gone to see has started off their event with a plan to have attendees shut down dissenting opinions. To see it happen several times tonight and see how excited everyone got about doing it was kind of chilling.  

They stopped letting people in a little after 7 and then let a few more in at some point. There were still at least 100 empty seats during the event in my section alone. People who couldn’t get in were beating on the windows and cussing out the secret service guys. The attendees of this freak show were far crazier than Trump tonight.

The Muslim woman standing silently while Trump talked about Syrian refugees?  That’s all she was doing and it made someone mad so the crowd around her turned into a pack of jackals.  I’m amazed she wasn’t injured on the way out.  At the time, I had no idea why she was being escorted out until after I saw the CNN report, but the police sure hustled to get to her. There were several times the crowd would turn on a person and start pointing and chanting TRUMP – which is what the audience was instructed to do if there were any protesters. It happened so quickly and loudly I couldn’t tell you what any of them said or did.

I got so bored (and frankly a bit spooked by the crowd mentality – it’s like I was in the Milgram experiment or the Stanford prison study) hearing the same old same old that I gave up and left but as I did he finished up and it was that little incentive I needed to jog all the way home because I couldn’t get away fast enough from all those normal looking crazy people. Kudos to our campus police and facilities folks that have to deal with all the headaches of hosting all these candidates.

P.S. Because someone was wondering – the music playing when he walked out was “Eye of the Tiger”. I am also sharing a photo someone at the university took which shows not only the woman who was eventually escorted out when she stood to represent peaceful Muslims and Syrian refugees, but a nice homemade sign next to her that someone snuck in accusing Trump of liking Nickleback. LOL


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The Fable of Someday

I’m packing for a trip today, and tomorrow I leave for New Orleans. Yes, Mardi Gras.  

I almost hate to tell people where I’m going when I travel (especially the annual Mardi Gras trip) because without fail, they will say something like: “I’m SO jealous. I’m going to go there someday.” or “It must be nice.” or “I’m totally going.” Someday.

No you aren’t.

I don’t mean to be cruel, but you aren’t.  You say things like that all the time to people who are actually doing things they have decided they are going to do, almost like it’s a reflex you can’t help.  When it comes right down to it and someone puts you on the spot by offering to room with you or give you a guidebook or help you plan this trip so you can make it happen you have 100 excuses why you can’t do it.  You are so totally never going. Ever. So either stop lying to yourself and admit you’ve decided to scuttle your dreams of travel in favor of all your responsibilities or motivate your ass to put a plan in motion.  It doesn’t have to be a fast plan – maybe you give up one fancy latte a week and put that money aside for your trip. It doesn’t have to be a luxurious plan – budget travel can be amazing. But it needs to be a plan that you MOVE FORWARD ON. Stop telling yourself that work can’t survive without you or no one can watch the dog. The kids can stay with relatives or (gasp) travel with you.  For real, people do it.  They aren’t rich people, they aren’t unemployed slackers, they have just decided that their needs and dreams are as important as the other parts of their lives.

The last time I heard “I’ll get there someday” (accompanied by the sigh -always) was this afternoon and I was so surprised at the immediate anger I felt I had to stop what I was doing and think about where that was coming from (which resulted in this post). This person didn’t mean harm of course, but really they are harming themselves by casually throwing that desire out there with no intention to do anything about it. You are doing a disservice to yourself to dream empty dreams. Take steps to make them real.  You’re not going to live forever so stop making excuses about why now is not a good time.

Now is the perfect time. Now is the only time.

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Making Handmade Leather Journals

Lately I’ve been obsessed with de-cluttering AND blank journals.  Especially leather ones, which can be amazingly expensive.  I horde blank journals because I can never figure out what’s important enough to write in them but then I realized I could get rid of a bag of random leather scraps by making journals.  Win-win, if I actually use some and get rid of some in the etsy shop or as gifts.  Most of what I am making is teeny and oddly shaped but of course this tutorial will help get you started no matter what size and shape you want to make.  If you want weird ones, get your 40% off Michael’s coupon and buy a $6.99 bag of leather scraps!

Some of my journals are two leather pieces stitched together with pages in the middle like a sandwich. Others are one piece of folded leather and  inserts of folded pages.  The basic stuff I used is above and I happened to have most of it because I’m crafty.  Besides leather I have some cording/ribbon if I want to tie the journals closed, several types of string for binding, embroidery needles $1.29 at Wal-Mart), exacto and scissors, pliers (in case you need help pulling the needle through the pages), and two awls.  You really only need one awl but I just happened to have two around.  And paper of course!  You can use anything and some of my books are using 100lb drawing paper from pads I haven’t touched in years.  The heavier the paper, the more of a challenge it will be to get the awl through.  

For the teeny gray guy below, I cut some scrap copy paper into pages slightly smaller than the leather covers.  

This is a small enough book that I worked the sharper awl through everything at once but you can also work in stages.  Just use one page with holes on all sections as a template.  The number of holes and stitching patterns are up to you and I’ve seen some pretty fancy patterns that confuse the hell out of me.  Just do what you like and what works.  For this type of book without folded pages, the knot will be on the outside.  

For the slightly larger green journal I am using a single piece of leather that I will fold over.  I’m using 100lb paper and will fold those as well.

I poked the smaller awl through everything but using the larger one would have made stitching much easier. I used waxed cotton cord which is thicker than my other options so using pliers to pull the needle straight though was a huge help.  For stitching folded pages the knot can be on the inside.  With this folded type of book, I like to add a tie to it to help hold it shut.

Just cut two small slits in the back and weave a tie of some sort – in this case faux suede cord. Ta-da, you can even remove and add new pages when it gets used up. Now force yourself to write in them! 


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